Friday, April 3, 2009

What is your greatest dream?

What is your greatest dream? Mine is rather odd since there are so many things I could do and could do well but the one thing I dream of has never come to pass. I want to matter. I want to matter not because I pay the bills or you gave birth to me or because I will do all the work for you. I want to matter not because I have raised you or fought battles for you...

No I want to matter. I want someone to come to me and say you matter, your smile brings me joy.. your spirit makes my world a better place. No gee since you are such a wholesome girl next door you are my last chance at normal life. or you need someone who believes in you. No I want you to believe in me.

I want to be the reason someone wakes up not be blamed because someone gets a speeding ticket... I want to be the reason someone is proud not the reason they say they try and commit suicide.

I want someone to look at me and say the way you laugh at life is an inspiration not gee you live in a fantasy world. I want to be special to someone.. anyone.. just once I want to matter...

and the seriously sad part is I don't matter.. and it wouldn't matter if I took life seriously or not. It doesn't matter if I smile of if I cry accept when I cry it annoys people. So I learned to smile.. it makes everyone else happier.. feel like they are allowed to be awful human beings.. I want to matter enough that someone I have adored since childhood speaks to me not gets angry and doesn't speak to me for over 12 years because of a piece of material..

I want to matter.. oh I know I won't I am not blessed enough to be surrounded by people who value me.. but oh I dream...


  1. If you want to matter to someone, become a teacher, volunteer at the library, take the next homeless person you see to a shelter, babysit for free for a new mom who is overwhelmed, take food to the animal shelter, start writing a soldier (male or female) in Iraq, read books for books on tape . . .

  2. *hugs* I know how you feel, and I feel the same way sometimes.

    I hope you will come by and enter my iPod giveaway in support of my breast cancer walk.