Sunday, May 31, 2009

I Keep Missing This - Entrecard Top Droppers

Every month I want to remember, I plan on remembering and then I get an interesting thought or 100 and blog on something else. I didn't want to do that this month, you entrecard peoples have been a delight.. I have met so many wonderful new friends with such great words of wisdom, humor and compassion. I wanted to say thanks for stopping by

Dropper # of drops
Computer Aid 30
Silver Sachet 29
The Ad Master 29
First Time 29
Dungeons and Dragons Corner 29
1 Blog and 2 Sides 29
Symphony of Love 29
Beyond Feron 29
Autism Experiences 28
Vacation Oregon 28

So while you are off gallivanting through the internet, visiting your daily blogs, take the time to stop and check out these lovely blogs..

Thank you all so very much


Friday, May 29, 2009

All This Good News, So Why Does Life Just Suck?

So this week Word Girl comes home and tells me to call the father of one of her friend's seems they may have a job for me.. pretty cool right? I mean I have been unemployed for two freakin years and it has been really really hard, on me physically and emotionally. On my kids everyone. There are times when the only reason I made it through was because I had no choice. So I called and while they are not quite sure what they are doing as of yet, the position looks good.

Then, yesterday I got a call from the manager of this place I am living. It was supposed to be temporary but with no job finding a better place has been hard... and this place is way too expensive believe me an apt would be way way cheaper. Anyway he called and of course I thought that is it, we are out.. but NO!! He called to say that they had reduced my rates BIG time.. and I can almost afford to live here...

I have my local State Rep working on getting my missing child support check out of the greedy clutches of the CS system and there is hope for that.. I should see a check for over 600.00 soon.

So all great news right??

Well today in less than an hour and a half.. storage is going to auction off all of my things.. my entire life.. and the kids.. poof gone.. I have begged, borrowed and considered stealing from all that I can do so from.. There really is no more hope and frankly this will be the thing that pushes me over the edge..

So if I am not here for a while it is because I just plain gave up...

an addendum.. so an amazing friend said quit your witchin.. and the bill was paid.. Do you ever think God gets tired of being doubted? My God is an Awesome God

Thursday, May 28, 2009

If I Could Blog Back Thursdays - Drive In Movie Theatres


So I have been following Lola over at Lola's Diner and I decided to play along.. If you want to join in on the fun make sure and go see Lola's Diner and sign up..

Thank you Lola for such a great topic. I think the Drive In Movie Theater played such an important part in the lives of two generations, those who came of age in the 50's and early 60's and their children. I was part of the and their children group.

My parents used to bundle up my brother and I, in our nifty little jammies and off to the Drive-In we would go. At the time they owned a 1964 Comet (which later became my first car but that is an entirely different story). Now I grew up in Southern California so we didn't deal with weather issues so much, just had a blast. I remember we would always beg to go play on the swing set, right there at the base of the screen... there was always one kid whose parents let him. We really hated that kid (yes I know the odds of it being the same kid over and over are extremely rare) . Being of the frugal sort (make that broke) my parents always brought their own treats, which included home made popcorn and drinks, please explain why it was never as good as the stuff from the theater. There was always a kiddee movie that played before the main movie it was supposed to lull us to sleep, it never did but it was a good effort. I remember this was how we went and saw All of the Clint Eastwood Spaghetti Westerns (I still love A Fist Full of Dollars) and we saw The Planet of the Apes, It took me years to realize Roddy McDowell did not look like a Monkey...

Again Lola this was a fabulous blog idea, it truly brought back some special times in my life..

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Politics ....

I am very angry with the politicians and judges in California. Rarely am I truly ashamed of my state. I am usually proud to be from California and rather angry when I hear California bashing here in the Midwest but this time...

Ok proposition 8 stupid in and of itself.. Gays should be allowed the same legal and civil rights as non gays.. but it was voted by the majority to ban gay marriages... I disagree but that was the vote. Then the courts get involved and say yes we have to uphold the vote.. I don't like it but the way our system is built we have to agree with it.. But politicians being politicians (and yes our court system is now filled with politicians posing as judges) they say the marriages that were performed were legal and stand as marriages.

So if you were fortunate enough, excited enough or maybe just plain cynical enough to get married as soon as the law passed you are still married but if you waited, planned a wedding (as we all know it takes forever to get the wedding just perfect) you are pretty much out of luck.

This my friends is what I consider a loop hole.. either the law is legal or it isn't.. of course I am one of those who still believes that double jeopardy is illegal.. but that is a subject for another blog..

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

A Women for the Supremes...

Like I could resist the title.. I havent decided yet if I feel comfortable with the president's choice or not, as I haven't researched her career or judging history in the end what I think matters not but I feel as an American it is my responsibility to be informed. Don't get me wrong I am sure judge Sotomayer has major qualifications I am sure she is educated, articulate and decisive.. It just bothers me that she is gonna get fast tracked... We are supposed to have a system of checks and balances. The Senate and House are supposed to really look into her background and make sure she is the right choice! But because President Obama pretty much has control over both the House and the Senate it is just a scary time.

It bothers me when one party has so much power.. Machevelli I believe said it best. "Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely" Now is the time for us as citizens to stand up and DEMAND action be taken! Do not sit and complacently allow the government to make decisions (even when they may be the right ones) we need to say you work for us.. you are accountable to us and you better make sure you are thinking of us!!

With that said, I am going to do my research see if I can live with her judgements and move on...

Friday, May 22, 2009


Thank you all for your kind words of yesterday. Sometimes life just seems overwhelming and yet the miracles of my life are profound indeed. I give in to the darkness upon occasion it is hard not to but even then I remember how blessed I have been. Yes life is tough, it isn't what I wanted or dreamed of having. It is a challenge of Herculean proportions but so are the rewards.

For example, years ago the kids and I were literally homeless living in the basement of churches for 89 days that winter. I had the opportunity to meet the most amazing people, ones who dedicated their lives to helping others. They came to the shelters week after week.. donating their time and their hope with graciousness and compassion.

Each triumph that comes in my life is the result of hard work and a belief that life will get better that there is a purpose and that I have a place. And when those triumphs come I find that I get to stand and declare I did this.. I succeeded.. and no one can take that away from me.. It is a heady feeling..

I truly believe that each day I awake I have won the battle.. that there is hope and promise.. that there is beauty and goodness. So yes sometimes I give in to the darkness, the frustrations and the bad luck but most days I just have to rejoice. Rejoice in the fact that I am here that my children are happy and healthy and that I have been blessed with a fabulous community around me.

Oh yeah I know life is still going to be hard, the challenges ridiculous I just choose to once again rejoice instead of despair..

Thursday, May 21, 2009

To Whom it May Concern

So I am frustrated a bit with life and decided to post the following letter...

To Whom it May Concern,

I used to dream of visiting the Pyramids and the Great Wall of China, as I grew up I dreamt of white picket fences and playdates, lunch with the girls. Later I would dream of the great job, exciting and fun, creative, demanding and of course sexy. Nowadays I dream of having a roof over my head and food on the table.

I am not asking anyone to provide these things for me, no I would in all honesty prefer to provide them for my children and myself on my own. Of course it seems that of all the dreams I have had this one is the one most unlikely to occur. All I want is a job and an apartment.. a place to call our own and the means to provide it. Over the past two years I have sent out hundreds no thousands of resumes. Needless to say I am frustrated beyond all belief. I am an excellent customer service rep. I have skills that companies should be fighting over and yet here I sit unemployed and incredibly depressed.

Now If I can not find a job I would love to just receive the money that is mine. The money that should come from my child support. I would like to know that I will receive my money in a timely manner. That when they have it I will not hear.. "If you don't receive your check with in two weeks give us a call back". No I would like to hear.. yes we have your money, we received it yesterday and mailed it out immediately. Why is that a fantasy instead of a reality. It can not even be called a dream.

Personally I am tired of not quite making it and wondering if I will ever again feel free of this overwhelming sense of failure. Now I understand raising teenagers is expensive and stressful so I will never be completely stress free and will be broke for quite sometime but please.. a little help here.. a job? an apartment? a place I don't have to worry day to day about whether or not I will be here tonight. A place where we can have separate rooms, well at least two bedrooms I can sleep on the sofa. The simple knowledge that yes there is food in the cupboards.. maybe just peanut butter and jelly but that we have the bread to go with it..

I know my dreams are fantasy.. it would be easier to continue to dream of the Pyramids and the Great Wall of China... and these days more likely to come true...




now if I could just figure out who to send this to...

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Happy Birthday

Today celebrates the birthday of the first boy I ever loved.. I don't remember a time in my life when he wasn't there.. My first memories are of him and his sharing with me.. He taught me how to spell my name (as it is 23 letters first and back this was no mean feat) taught me how to swim, taught me how to be a little sister. Strictly by being a big brother.

My first memories are of him at the beach.. there we were two towheads covered in zinc oxide, collecting shells, learning the ways of the water, eventually learning to body surf and later to surf. He was the one I pestered to play catch with me, to ride bikes with me and to go adventuring.

At the age of 6 someone had the brilliant idea to put him on a pair of skis... oh my could he ski. I remember one of the few times as a child I went skiing with him.. I was maybe 9 so he was about 12.. people, adults would stop just to watch him go by.. he was beauty in motion. By the age of 13 he had maneuvered the Matterhorn (and not the one at Disneyland).

In high school he discovered surfing and of course he was an amazing surfer as well. There wasn't much athletically that my brother couldn't do.

Unfortunately he made some bad choices in life and has had a rough adulthood but nothing can ever take away the way he impacted my life. The way he was there for me, loved me and protected me. He turns 50 today and I can not help but think of him.. wish him well and hope he knows deep inside that he is loved..

Happy birthday big brother..

Monday, May 18, 2009

Dancing With the Stars

I admit this is my guilty pleasure I watch dancing with the stars. I enjoy watching individuals step out of their comfort zone and learn something new.. this year has been an interesting one and frankly I was sad to see Ty go..

On the three remaining dancers.. why is it everyone is so amazed that shaun johnson is focused and willing to listen, learn and well win? yeah she is cute and bubbly and all that but hello?? she has survived the international gymnastic circle and is one of the best in the world. Of course she has killer instincts..

melissa... hello was this girl the luckiest girl in the world or what? Who remembers any of the former girls from these shows? I mean I have never watched it Blond Girl figured out at the age of 11 that it was demeaning to women and she wanted to know where their pride was.. But melissa.. she got dumped on national TV and a week later is dancing with the stars and now is a media darling.. I say she got the lucky end of the deal..

gilles... ok enough said...

giggles, ok the man can dance, the man is hot, the man... welll...

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Some Days You just want to curl up and sleep

It has been one of those days today.. I am just frustrated and fantasizing about banging my head against the wall.. wait.. I feel like that is how I spent the day. I am just so very fed up with the status quo..

When does it get better? I hate to complain it doesn't fix anything, it doesn't help anything and it doesn't change anything. As a matter of fact I try hard to be positive to smile and rejoice but today I just wanna curl up and sleep.. please wake me up next week..

I am fed up with not being able to find a job.. with not getting the money that is mine and always and I mean always being almost able to make ends meet. Today it is just too much..

Ok whine over... Tomorrow is another day.. yes I know and I hate Gone with the wind...

Am Amazing Ride

I admit it I love Horse racing.. It could be the pagentry, the grace, the speed, the determination to fly or it could simply be a great childhood memory.

My grandma used to take me to Santa Anita when I was a kid.. and my great grandma would bet on any horse willie shoemaker was riding.. for years I didn't realize that there was more than one jockey.

I must admit I have never gone to the track and come home with less money than I took and someday.. God willing and the creeks don't rise I will get to the Kentucky Derby.

But today's Preakness was just amazing.. I love this jockey and am impressed with his talent and dedication. I was a bit miffed with him for switching horses, I truly believe had he been riding Mine that bird he would have won.. but to watch this race.. it was a joy..

I hope you all saw it, if not then check out the reruns. it was the epitome of what horse racing should be..

Friday, May 15, 2009

Hanging on to the Money

Oh the state of Illinois is throwing a bash to be sure.. How do they plan on funding this troubled state? Oh I know.. they find ways to with hold the money passed to them that is supposed to go to custodial parents.. yes that is correct child support strikes again!!

As I have previously admitted.. I failed to change my address in time and they sent out one check to the wrong address. I have been calling weekly to see if they had received it back yet.. Seems like they did on the 14th.. Now I am hearing that even though they have it.. I won't see it for up to 60 days.. cuz they have so many. Hello?? I corrected my address.. I contacted them, they have the check... send me a damned new one!!

Oh and they are undercharging the ex about $30 a week.. no biggee.. well I could use the money but if he doesnt send that money in he gets charged interest.. and honestly it accumulates and will become an issue.. anyway right now he is at $19 interest..

Sighs.. He is unemployed and trying to do the right thing.. the govt is not taking the entire amt from his check and he is gonna get screwed for not paying..

I really really hate that the govt is involved in my child support... I mean he would just pay me weekly.. oh he would moan and complain but he would pay me.. without all the crap...

Thursday, May 14, 2009

If I could Blog Back Thursdays

So I have been following Lola over at Lola's Diner and I decided to play along.. If you want to join in on the fun make sure and go see Lola's Diner and sign up..

So this week she did one on summer vacation.. WOW what a great series this could be..

I grew up in Southern California in the 60's and 70's what a veritable playground we had. I lived on a perfectly normal block with perfectly normal kids.. we would play until the streetlights came on and then come hell or high water we had better be checking in. Or the whistle.. my dad would stand on the front porch and whistle and we knew we had maybe 5 minutes to get home.. and it didn't matter where we were.. fortunately the kid network worked well and even if we were as far as three blocks away... we heard about the whistle and got ourselves home.

My mom worked nights so she spent much of her days sleeping.. in the summer she made sure we were busy.. back before the days of over scheduling your child. In the morning we had summer school. Now our program was no where near what they have now, we had this great program of drama, games, guitar, bike repair... whatever.. each class was for an hour and 15 minutes.. a 15 minute break and then a second class for an hour and 15 minutes.. My favorite year was the year I signed up for Bike Repair as an alternate choice.. I really wanted the drama program but it was full.. So I got into bike repair... oh my did the fur fly.. a girl in bike repair??? oh they did everything they could to force me to leave.. they tried to send me to all sorts of other programs but hey I had the best of parents.. they said this is what my daughter wants.. guess what this is what she gets.. of course the school did eventually win as there suddenly was an opening in the drama class.. looking back I never appreciated how great my parents were. It wasn't that they were trying to prove a point.. it was just they didn't see that there was one.

Summer school was for the first half of the summer the second half was for camp.. oh how I loved camp... I went to Camp Arbolado for 10 glorious summers.. but that my friends deserves a blog all it's own.. and when I wasn't at summer school or camp I was at the beach.. Fortunately my aunt was a school teacher (meant she had summers off) and lived at the beach so guess whose house we liked to visit?

Yes Lola summers were a fun and fantabulous time when we were children.. Was it the era? or maybe summer still holds that magic we just dont get to see it as we grew up..

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Things I Think About

I have long admitted that my brain is just odd.. I accept it and pretty much keep it to myself.. I mean I hate to scare people away but sometimes I can't help but share what goes on in my mind.

Have you ever met a normal person? and if so can you please introduce them to me? I mean consider the fact that who gets to define normal.. there is also the scientific impossibility of having a normal person. Consider this...

In order to have a norm you must have two things exactly.. yes exactly the same! Since no two people are EXACTLY the same it is scientifically impossible to create a norm... THEREFORE if you are normal in actuality you are abnormal.. which of course causes me to segway into can I call you abbey???

three totally useless points to whoever gets what movie I just referenced..

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Did You Ever Wonder?

Did you ever feel like no matter what you do it is wrong? Life is interesting that way.. we go through life making choices some good some bad and yet each important to our individual growth..

We find a place that is all we are ever searching for.. one that we think fulfills our deepest needs and yet once settled in it doesn't.. you look around at all of your friends and they are happy, ecstatic... you wonder why? It must mean you are missing something.. they must be leaving you out.. of course that is rarely the case.. what you are missing is you.. they are happy because they are where they belong.. you are not..

Then along comes someone and makes all of the exact same choices and he/she is blissfully happy... how can that be? The exact same choices were made.. almost as though you had followed the same instructions.. and seeing the glow, the peace in others you resent it.. like that person is stealing your happiness.. if you are lucky you don't resent the people involved just the situation.

And yet you lash out.. you fight, you struggle.. you hold on so tight you strangle those around you and still you just don't get it. Finally if you are very very lucky the light will go on.. it is not the choices it is the people.. you are making someone elses choices.. not yours.. the choices are right.. you are not.. the term square peg in a round hole exists for a reason..

Once you realize that you have much to consider and plenty to figure out.. first and foremost it is the path itself... is it yours? Are you meant to walk it with others? Or were you meant to blaze it on your own? Create your direction?? And know that others will find it and be happy after you not with you??

When you answer those questions you have to ask yourself where do you go when you reach the end of the path? do you stop and wait for others to catch up? Do you start a new path? Do you turn around and return from where you came?

Two of those answers involve leaving and knowing that others will be happy on your path.. the one you forged and created.. yet if you leave it is because it is the wrong path.. then you have to wonder can i be happy with that? Or will i be envious, angry and alone?

Finally one day you wake up and realize that you were not making your choices you were making someone else's therefore whether you stay or whether you go you will be envious, angry and alone unless you let it go..

Monday, May 11, 2009

Lessons Learned

I have been wading through a quagmire of emotions lately. In general I am a positive person to such an extreme that I have been accused of living in fantasyland.. I don't I never have I just choose to not let the bad things win. Over the past year or so the bad things have been winning.. I have lost some dear friends because I sank so deep into the abyss.. I am clawing myself out moment by moment.. I am actually quite proud of my accomplishments.

Today I was reading some blogs and I found this one Women's Self Esteem
and it really just called to me. I found it to be articulate and well thought out as well as being dead on.. It reminded me that life is a series of choices and we could choose to be happy.. to be positive and to find joy or we could choose to let it all slip away and be miserable.

I find I personally prefer to be happy.. I find I no longer want to dwell in the world of woe is me... I am going to make it about others once again..

thanks Dorothy.. that was brilliant

Sunday, May 10, 2009


Wishing all you Mom's out there the very best of days...

Friday, May 8, 2009

Swimming Uphill

It seems that no matter how sunny it appears how much better life is getting something happens that slams me back to ground zero...

The ever so lovely State of Illinois is now 4 count em 4 weeks the one check was my fault as I didn't get an address change in time.. I accept it I acknowledge it I own it but COME ON!!! The check was mailed on 04/24 and it has not re appeared yet.. Nope still floating around in limbo.. I can't have a check re printed until 30 days... if the check shows up then they will resend it to the correct address but otherwise I have to wait.

Now the consolation prize... they have this one FANTASTIC customer service gentleman who I spoke with once on Tuesday and again today.. He REMEMBERED our conversation and went out of his way to find out all that he could.. WOW!!! and stupid me I forgot to get his name.. The man should get an award.. not only did he do his job well he was nice about it...

Anyway.. here I sit banging my head against the wall.. makes me think I am should be a junebug... sorry reference to an old camp song..

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Thursday 13 #7 - 13 reasons why I rejoice

So it is Thursday and I decided to join the Thursday 13 crew, for more information on this one go check out this blog and maybe come along for the fun..

13 reasons why I rejoice

1. I rejoice because God so loved the world He sent His only begotten Son...

2. I rejoice because I have healthy happy children

3. I rejoice because I am surrounded by people who love me even when they are mad at me..

4. I rejoice because I live in a country where I can be me...

5. I rejoice because I have friends who disagree with me, my beliefs, my faith, my parenting and yet they are still my friends..

6. I rejoice because it is raining today...

7. I rejoice because I have a roof over my head

8. I rejoice because I woke up today..

9. I rejoice because we have the internet... a way to keep in contact with old friends and find new ones

10. I rejoice because people around me are smiling

11. I rejoice because it is May and flowers are starting to peak up

12. I rejoice because I have a promise of tomorrow

13. I rejoice because I am loved..

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Kicking the Cat

When I was in High School my principal was a huge fan of Zig Zigler.. as a matter of fact he actually taught a class based on his work.. I was fortunate enough to be able to take this class and many of the concepts have stayed with me my entire life..

One of them was the kick the cat theory... A boss is having a bad day so he yells at an employee who gets frustrated and goes home and takes it out on his wife... who turns around and lashes out at a child.. the child having no one to take his frustrations out on kicks the cat..

It is an interesting concept about being aware of the fact that your actions have consequences.. for ever action there is an equal reaction... the thing that I never got though is what about the cat??

I have spent most of my life trying not to offend people, trying to be everything to everyone.. consequently I tend to get walked all over.. in a way I am the cat.. Oh there are those who honestly love me... care for me.. would kill anyone that hurts me.. and yet they see nothing wrong with kicking the cat.. and when I fight back.. lash out or let it overwhelm me.. I am being unreasonable..unforgiving, harsh...

I guess in the end you have to choose in the beginning to not just not kick the cat but to not be the cat..

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

A Chage of Mind

I have waited a few days to post this blog because I really wanted to formulate my thoughts.. Recently the change of parties by Congressman Specter has really bothered me.

Not for ideological reasons but rather plain old breach of contract. The good congressman was elected as a Republican to represent his home state.. That is what he promised them.. now to switch parties mid term that just bothers me. This smacks of desperation and a man who fervently wants to hang on to his power.

Had his convictions been involved he would have maybe addressed his party.. pointed out where he felt the lacked substance and fought to serve the people who elected him. BUT NO this man all but vacated his promises... in short lied to his constituents and has no desire to serve them.

I am eternally grateful that he is not my representative.. goodness knows we have enough issues here in Illinois..

I think we as a nation of voters need to wrench the reigns back from the hands of the elected officials and DEMAND that they do their jobs which is serving us...

Sunday, May 3, 2009

A Silly Sunday

I am a huge movie fan.. some of my first memories involve going to the movies with my parents. My brother and I in our jammies in the back of my Dad's 1964 Comet (could the man get a mustang?? Nooooooooo). We saw Planet of the Apes and all of the Spaghetti Westerns this way.. As I got older we would go as often as possible.. I remember who I saw Star Wars with (Colleen Couron and empoper Norton) Who I saw Indiana Jones with (Dorene Dakeen) and who I watched Karate Kid with (Rob Holden).. When I moved out there were times when I would go to the movies with my Dad as he needed a date.. even now whenever possible I bundle up the teenagers and we go to the movies enfamilie..

To that end I thought I would share a few funny quotes from The Princess Bride and the Muppet Movie... Why? You may ask.. well because...

Inigo Montoya:

Who are you?

No one of consequence.
Inigo Montoya:

I must know.

Get used to disappointment.

Inigo Montoya:

You seem a decent fellow, I hate to kill you.

You seem a decent fellow, I hate to die.



My brains, his steal, and your strength, against 60 men. And, you think a little head jiggle is supposed to make me happy?



We'll never survive.

Nonsense, you're only saying that because no one ever has.



No more rhymes, now, I mean it!

Anybody want a peanut?


That's pretty dangerous building a road in the middle of the street. I mean, if frogs couldn't hop, I'd be gone with the Schwin.



Kermit: "Myth! Myth!" Woman: "Yes?
-Kermit and a Woman


Kermit: Turn left at the fork in the road

Fozzie: Fork in the road!

Kermit: I Don't believe that

( Big Fork sticking in the road)


Friday, May 1, 2009

Our Tax Dollars at Work

With everything going on in our world, the wars, the economy, healthcare, swine flu it gives me great comfort to see our tax dollars at work..

Today several members of the BCS were called to congressional hearings on whether or not college football should have a playoff system or accept the status quo. I was at best appalled and in the very least astounded. How is it that this is something to be considered a priority in today's world. But then again it just goes to show everyone how totally messed up our governement is..

Do not get me wrong I completely believe in the BCS championship series.. I am a devoted football fan. I watch the season from beginning to end I enjoy college football immensely but it is a game and not something I would consider to be a priority of my elected officials..

I think I am angry, no I know I am angry.. There is so much more they could be focusing on..