Friday, October 31, 2008

The Women Who Formed Me - The Couron Ladies

I had decided to pepper my blogs talking about the women who helped me become the woman I am today. Strong, independent, loyal, insane and not afraid to jump right in. Now I have several members of my family who should come before the Couron ladies but it is Halloween and one of my favorite memories is of the Couron house and a certain Halloween party.

Mrs Couron was my cadette girl scout leader and a sweeter, kinder, velvet glove kind of woman you have never met. She handled that group of about 30 junior high girls with grace, tolerance and just a bit of steel. She was the one who would push us when we needed to be pushed, taught us that we were a unit not a group of individuals and came down on us when we needed it. She was what one would call a girly girl, a mary kay rep back before it was quite the industry it is now, and yet she held this tomboys loyalty in the palm of her hand. Still does for that matter.

Colleen, now really Colleen deserves an entire blog of her own but tonight she is getting an honorable mention in this one. Colleen was my sidekick.. my partner in crime, the troublemaker (I was the good girl-yeah Colleen I know...). We ran that troop like any good general would and had a blast doing it. Colleen was a year younger than me in school and as any true member of the junior high social set knows.. the higher the grade the cooler the kid, so of course Colleen got a lot of cool points from her friends.. Years later she told me, whenever she was asked how we knew each other she would mutter, oh we go to this thing with my mom and hang out with some other people.. well face it back in the day girl scouts was not cool.

Now that is all well and good but why do they get the Halloween blog? Quite simply, the mummy.. A more spine tingling experience I have yet to have and as I sit here writing I laugh.. Our girl scout troop was having a party at the Couron house, now they lived in a gated community at the top of a rather nice hill, their yard once you passed the terrace declined swiftly. So we had it all planned. Towards the end of the evening I would tell a mummy story, one of those standard "One night long ago on the very land this house was built on stories" I was to enthrall those younger girls, captivate them.. then when I got to the word mummy, Colleen who was upstairs was to flick a light and her brother in law to be was to arise from below the terrace in all his mummy splendor and come after the girls. Giving them all a spectacular Halloween scare. The problem was, I was just a tad too good in the story department.. As planned I said the word mummy, as planned Colleen flicked the switch and up arose Steve in all his mummy finery.. over the fence onto the terrace he stalked.. Looking out the window appropriately afraid I stopped in mid sentence stuttered and valiantly tried to continue. Of course all of the girls turned to see what had me, their fearless leader so terrified.. and before I could say another word.. en mass they arose, screaming (as only girls can do) and ran for the stairs in fear of the mummy coming to attack them. Pushing me along with them I rode the wave caught up in the frenzy and laughing so hard I swear I am lucky I did not pee my pants.

And that is why the Couron ladies, Mrs Couron, Colleen and the wonderful big sis Bonnie (fiance of the mummy Steve) get this mention today.. I hope they are all living the lives they deserve

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Just One Theme Today

It's my baby's 17th birthday!! Well not "the" baby.. but my special baby! She is wacky and wonderful, strong and determined, independent and needy, moody, broody and full of life! a daily challenge. A joy to have in my life.. Happy Birthday Ashley-Frances

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

So I Have Been Tagged

Yesterday it happened. I was tagged, made me glow got me all excited (hey it was my first time on this site) now I admit I am easily impressed but this did make me feel good... so a big thanks to life on the verge.

The tag was 7 random things about me.

1. I enjoy quilting, while I am not able to do it as much as I used to I enjoy the process and creativity that comes from it.

2. I have been a registered girl scout since I was 7 years old (1972)

3. I spent 10 summers of my life at Camp Arbolado

4. I know more silly songs than anybody I know (now this may be in direct correlation of facts # 2&3)

5. I wanted to be a spy when I was in college

6. I went to private protestant High School by choice (go Heralds) because I had parents that encouraged me to find my own path not theirs

7. I moved to Illinois in 1984 with a suitcase, a box and a bike..

now here is where i am supposed to tag 7 others, I got all excited then I realized that including the one who tagged me I don't know 7 people here well enough to impose upon.. so for now I will leave the tag up to you.. feel free

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Accepting I Have an Addictive Personality

They say acceptance is the first step to recovery... although I am not sure that I want to recover.

It seems to me that as in all things I have jumped in feet first to this blogging thing. I swear I could spend an eternity doing it, it is great to be able to find a place to put my words, my thoughts and my feelings. To rush into and vent.. whoo hoo! Of course, there are times I sit down at the computer and have nothing to say, for those of you who know me you can stop laughing now, but it is true. When sitting down to write a blog a feeling of self importance comes over me and I want to write a witty, articulate well thought out blog. Oh brother, the joy of blogging is to sit down and say what is on one's mind.

Now back to the addiction thing. Me being me, I could not just stick with one blog oh no!! I now have three, two here and one on a member site.. and that is not enough for me, as in all converts I have to try and convince my friends to all start blogging also.

And then there is that entire entrecard thing.. I am sure you have all noticed the blog of the day posted here, well that site is an opening to a vast world of bloggers who have wonderful and fascinating things to say. I am amazed by the vastness of the human experience, the adventures, the travels, the day to day lives that claim our hearts. There are some sites that so astound me that I will venture there day after day. There are blogs written by the elderly, telling the stories that weaved the fabric of their lives, the ones written by the young, telling the dreams that only the young can have.I can't help it I am drawn in.

And the moms who blog... tell me where were they when I was raising small children, when I had a story a day to tell? They all of such wonderful, hilarious day to day adventures. A true example of the human spirit, I mean who but a mom can think a story about changing diapers can be funny? and then manage to make the rest of us think so too?

As in all things I know I will level out, I will eventually manage to add the balance in my life that I need and blogging will become just another daily ritual but for now I am that kid in the candy store ready to gorge

Monday, October 27, 2008

Sometimes The Wind

Sometimes the wind calls me
As it dances and trips
Across my skin
Sometimes it lures me to dance
Along to its haunting
Wordless melody
Reeling me along as it
Carelessly plays with me ~ pulling
My hair from its anchors daring
It to fly – to create a frenzied dance
Of it’s own, searching
For freedom
Sometimes the wind dares me
To defy the life I have
To let it all go
And sometimes it beckons me, it tempts me
As it whistles its way through the
Caverns of my soul
But mostly it cries for me
As I sit alone imprisoned
Longing to be free

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Post Cards as Memories

I was web browsing the other day and visiting various sites and I must admit I am delighted with the options and blog sites that are out there. Yes I was always aware of them, I knew people were spending time journalling their thoughts, talents, frustrations and daily lives but knowing and experiencing are two separate things.

One site that I find especially enjoyable is the site a postcard a day, now this industrious person is posting the post cards she has received over the years. This brought back a found memory for me.

My mom loves to travel and believe me you will all get to hear about it over time, anyway back on track. My mom used to send the most fantastic post cards from where ever she traveled. Sometimes she would go off for the day on one of her jaunts and a couple of weeks later I would receive a card. It has happened so often I stopped trying to keep up with her. It did get a little troublesome a while back when she started going on extended trips and not letting me know. Now mind you i live in the midwest and she currently (actually has always) resides in the Los Angeles area. So I would go to call her and no answer, the advent of cell phones really helped me to keep track of her. But I have established the hard fast rule, no leaving the country without telling me first.

Anyway she would send postcards from some of her jaunts, occasionally it would be just a ha ha I am here and you are not.. like a trip to Olvera Street. one of my favorite places on earth. As a mother with young children it was obviously hard for me to go anywhere or experience any of it for myself. So I would take her post cards and laminate them, leaving them out to be played with by the children. A friend once asked my why I went to the expense of having them laminated and before I could respond one of the kids reached across the coffee table and spilled red juice on all of them. Smiling I picked up the post cards and handed it to her, still in pristine condition. My reasons now clear.

These postcards are still around, although for some reason my mom who has increased up her travelling has decreased her post card sending. Or maybe since my children are teens she has refocused her energies on the younger grandchildren. What a fabulous way to teach geography.One day this is a habit I hope to emulate with my grandchildren (one day far away from now).

I Wish I Were Half This Clever

I don't know if this is true, I don't know if it happened.. but I can guarantee that I wish I had thought of it.

This has to be the greatest prank call of all times

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Traveling Down the Road To Insanity

Recently I spoke of changes and choices and how my life has been filled with both. First off the change of not having a secure income and living place and secondly by choosing all of the wrong things.

I am a single mother, who because of a series of decisions by both myself and my former employer am out of work. Loosing my job was absolutely devastating, I don't loose jobs, i am a good solid worker, reliable and focused. I am polite, respect office policies and don't speak in a vulgar manner. And yet I was let go for reasons that have just recently become clear to me. When I first lost my job I settled into a deep funk that took me ages to get out of. Unsure of my most basic capabilities. Each decision was questioned and then ignored, allowing life to flow around me yet not doing anything to fix it. I struggled both emotionally and physically finding it hard to even leave my home.

Circumstances played out that I had to move and the apartment we were going to move to was rented to a family member so we were basically left homeless, moving into a hotel for temporary amount of time we waited for my taxes before moving on. Of course there was a problem with our taxes and they never arrived.. leaving us in a hotel room that was costing us more than double what an apartment would and draining all of our savings. So I struggled making decisions based on day to day life, reacting instead or acting. Then I met a former co-worker astoundingly enough in the lobby of the hotel. Seems the company had over the year laid off or fired any employee making a decent salary and replaced them with ones that worked for less.

It is amazing the difference that this knowledge has done for my attitude. Suddenly I am making decisions again, unafraid to be wrong, secure in the fact that I am perfectly capable of doing it all. I am still unemployed, still living with my four kids in a hotel room, still paying way too much.. but life is suddenly better.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Changing Direction or Rather Refinding it

When I first considered writing a blog it was with the intention of speaking what ever comes to my mind. I immediately lost that by starting to write about my kids.. don't get me wrong I love my kids I am proud of my kids... but I want this blog to be about me and what is on my mind.

So I started a new blog.. called juggling teens it can be found at please feel free to visit.. see what's going on in the lives of the banshees.. but for now, this blog returns to what is going on in my head and I believe you will all find that an adventure all in itself

Going NoWhere Fast

This year has been an extremely educational one to say the least. I lost my job and made a few less than stellar choices, ended up in a pretty bad place.. then somehow I managed to drag myself out of the funk. I found a few websites for fun and chat, then decided to start the entire blog thing.

It hasn't been easy each day feels like a debacle in the making and yet here I am. Alive and well.. even a few pounds thinner which is amazing considering I am one of those stuff your face when bored, depressed, happy, mad... types. My heart is lite for the first time in a long time and even the dulcet tones of my screaming banshees hasn't managed to throw me off for long.

So I take the next step in this mad adventure called life with more than a little excitement.. more than a little trepidation and more than a little fear.. but here I am going nowhere fast and liking it.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Why is it?

So my son decided he would clean for me today. Wasn't that thoughtful, considerate.. downright amazing? No, he didn't even want anything, just decided to help out around here... I know what ever could I find to complain about in that sentence?

First off, where did my stuff go, oh not why is it not littering up my house, piles hither and yon? No, literally where did he put it. I may not put it away but it all has a place.. and yet i open cupboards, wander halls.. can't find a single thing. Now this is the child that keeps his room clean, just puts his socks on a shelf and his books in a sock drawer, so it will appear but goodness only knows where.

Second, if he is doing the cleaning, why is it that every step of the way does he ask me how to do it (with the exception of putting things where they go). Mom, how do i clean this, mom is this right? mom, i am gonna do it like this.. no mom, i really think I am right. It is too exhausting.. and I am not even doing the work. And I can't find my stuff.

God love kids with ADHD.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Should I Go or Should I Stay

Over the last year I discovered that my hair had turned a rather pretty pewter. Now I have been coloring my hair for so long that I can almost forget my natural color. Well it was a nice warm honey brown and for the past few years I have found the perfect hair product to keep it that color.. It even matches some of my pictures from my 20's. But then one day last year when I noticed how very pretty the grey was.. I couldn't believe it I got that fabulous pewter color.. I thought I was gonna get stuck with that ash grey that so many blondes end up with. Anyway back on tangent, today I wondered.. no matter how pretty it may look, I am still young and it ads to my age.

So now I am in a pickle.. should I die it, go back to that pretty flattering warm honey brown that I have used over the years or should I be daring and go for va va voom, a saucy redhead could be fun... I have great skin and coloring for red hair.. having always had the wonderful red highlights.

And the best part? It will probably annoy my daughter to no end.. decisions decisions

Sunday, October 19, 2008

The Ultimate Female Joke

It has long been contended that there are male jokes and there are female jokes, and there are unisex jokes. Here is a joke I consider a true female joke. I offer it to you in the hopes that women will love it and men will pass it along to a woman who will love it.

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the w oman could not take her eyes off him.

The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly t oward her. (As all men will)

Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00......on one

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, 'You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.'

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand
along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said....
'Clean my house.'

The Logic of Youth

There is little in this life that makes less sense than what a teenager considers logic. I realize we all at one time suffered from this dilemma fortunately for the world most of us grow out of it. With the exceptions of politicians and actors that is.

We are moving into performance season. My children all gifted musicians, ok they can all play an instrument, are active in several different band formats. Jazz band, mentor band, marching band, concert band, symphonic winds.. not all at once and not all together. Some will join one band or another will like it for a bit then move on as a new interest grows. Others stay in for as long as they can. But it is not the band that I am speaking of. It is the attire.

For concert appearances all of the above bands require the use of a tuxedo shirt. This shirt is worn to every concert and taken on every trip. Now that may sound like an abundance of uses but in all actuality it is really more like 10-15 times a year. In our household we currently have 7 tuxedo shirts, i have purchased many many more, and right now two are performing. Nice odds one would think. But alas in our house we tend to play where's the tuxedo shirt.

I have many times pointed out that once they have warn it, take it off and hang it up in the front closet. That will tell me it is dirty and needs to be washed and if for some reason it has not been washed it will at least be easy to locate. But my teenagers in their infinite wisdom have decreed that this is disgusting, hanging up dirty shirts (they wear them for maybe 2 hours at a time). No this they will not do.. they are not going to be seen in a dirty shirt. No, it is much better to take it off wad it up and toss it to the back of their closet. Then when they need it they can run around the house screaming because they can't find their shirt (see shoe blog and insert same routine here). Having finally found it, it is now wrinkled and dirty, ever so much more appropriate.

Eventually I will understand how their minds work.. i seriously can't wait to see how their children turn out. They can't be any crazier than mine

Saturday, October 18, 2008

The Great Shoe Search

Can anyone explain to me why it is so hard for my children to find their shoes? Do shoes have that incredible power of self movement? Years and years of shoe searching has led me to believe that these critters are alive.

I am a tolerant mom, I don't spend hours nagging my children about putting their shoes in their closets (the most logical place for them) no I have made it deceptively easy for them. I placed a large basket by the front door. When they come in and take off their shoes (which they are going to do) instead of dropping them along the way to their rooms, a la Hansel and Gretel, drop them in the basket. That way they are both right there. No effort, no mad screaming five minutes before leaving that they can't find their shoes. No accusations of theft. Yes, dear I love this daily, hourly, minutely ritual so much I hide your shoes from you. I find it promotes the parent child bonding. And yet even this escapes them.

I am not sure how many times we have searched for that missing shoe. An alternate pair of shoes is never acceptable, they must have that one. Of course when they are asked the night before do you have everything ready and they say yes.. that really means, yeah sure mom, i am completely ready to wait until the last possible moment, rant and rave, decide I am not going, burst into tears and then wait for you to find them.

The question I am sure you are asking is why do I bother looking, let them suffer the consequences.... hello.. teenagers here.. do you really think I want them in the house for any extended length of time blaming me for why they cant go?

But seriously if on your daily wanders you see the one shoe in the middle of the road, wonder know more.. it belongs here,please feel free to send it home.

American Beauties

Raising daughters is both a wonderful gift and an incredible responsibility. Teenage girls today have so many issues to deal with. Aside from the ones we dealt with, they have to handle sex, drugs, body image and a myriad of other issues that may have touched our lives back in the day, but run theirs.

I watch with pride as my daughters wander the halls of their high school, both are honor students, in band and on the swim team and that is where the similarities stop. My oldest daughter, Frankie, is beautiful, talented and in your face. She is the first to fight for whats right, the one to stand up for what she believes in, the only problem is, is so often after the battle is won she is walking away alone. She is the first to befriend people, she doesn't even understand how important she is to the dynamics of her group. She is the heart, the one who brings people together and yet often once they find each other she is left out looking in. This devastates her she would never just randomly throw someone over like that. Frankie has a tough shell and a tender heart. She is an honor student, a varsity swimmer and if she wanted to be could be an excellent musician but she sees herself as not as pretty, not as thin, not as talented as all the rest. This grieves me so... when Frankie was 3 years old she decided she wanted to learn how to ride her bike with no training wheels. I being the obliging mom that I am removed the wheels and stood behind her. Ready to hold her up as she went.. she looked up at me all serious with these powerful green eyes and said.. "no mommy i can do it myself". The next day we took a 3 mile bike ride.. she was on her way. It bothers me that, that determined little girl has let others dictate who she is. She questions her looks and yet she has a smile that can light up a room. Powerful and beautiful. Dangerous.

While Frankie is bluster and determination... mixed with a bit of self doubt, Remi is cool, breezy, California Girl, who just happens to live in the Midwest. She has been blessed with what society claims are good looks. She is charming and sweet, an honor student and a striving tuba player. Having been handed what society dictates as everything, she has spent many years just being the cute one. She played her looks naturally for years. While Frankie determined at three that she would ride her bike, Remi at 5 still hadn't done much more than sit on hers. When I asked her if she was ever going to learn how to ride that thing... she looked up at me with beguiling blue eyes all a wonder.. and said "No, mommy I look good just sitting on it". Needless to say she was riding that bike the next day, well sort of. Remi has never had to question her looks, she has always had to deal with the fact that others question her intelligence. She is probably my smartest child, while Frankie gets ahead in persistence, Remi does it naturally. She has a thirsty mind always wanting to know.. and wonders around saying things like "quantum physics sounds rather interesting". Beautiful, generous and smart and yet she too has to wonder where and how she fits in.

Both of my girls have remarkable strengths and character and yet each flounder in finding themselves in today's society. There is something wrong with a world that makes girls such as these feel inferior in any way and yet they both struggle in their own ways. Remi has been seated in a class with the children who need assistance.. not to help them but because the teacher made the assumption that my daughter was not quite bright enough to figure it out. The idiot still better stay out of my path. Frankie is forever passed over as though she was not girly enough. She is stunning and yet society says she is too heavy, she approaches things head on and yet society says girls should keep their mouths shut. And it still says that.

These girls every day have to deal in a world where it is not safe for them to walk alone anywhere, they carry ridiculously difficult schedules. participate in sports and look pretty when they do it. Oh and act stupid so no one makes fun of them for being smart and to top it all off they get to be looked down on by kids that have been decreed cool, who are not as smart, or as talented or as pretty... and yet everyday they get up with smiles on their faces and dream of what they will be doing.

It is difficult to guide them, to know when to listen and when to speak, to understand that I hate you mom really means but mom Johnny didn't ask me out. For each thing a parent gets right she gets 100 wrong and yet I can't imagine ever not having this. These wonderful gifts I have been given. These beacons into the world I hope eventually they come into their own and are strong, beautiful, independent women, looking at me in the rear view mirror. Then I will know I did good.

Friday, October 17, 2008

The Women Who Formed Me.. Grandma

Throughout my life I have been blessed to be surrounded by some of the most amazing women in the world. They were mother, sister, grandmothers, aunts, cousins, teachers, girl scout leaders, friends and sometimes even a bit of an enemy. They were strong, creative, opinionated, wicked, willful, arrogant, smart, funny, quirky, talented and just plain amazing.

I mentioned my grandma in a previous post, this woman was truly amazing, brilliant and oh so far ahead of her time. She spoke with me when I was a child but never did she treat me as one. Rather as a woman whom she already had enormous expectations for. As a child I didn't quite understand that and often felt that something inside me was missing. It wasn't and she didn't feel that way. She just expected me to be all that I could be. She wanted me to be strong, and brave, a leader among men.. better yet a leader among women. She in all her wonder helped to make me who I am.

Now don't get me wrong, this woman was not perfect she was eclectic. She had opinions and didn't worry about expressing them. As a child I remember she would put her phone in the refrigerator so she couldn't hear it and the family would eventually worry enough to come check on her. The thought of actually initiating the call was beyond her. She could be petty and just a tad manipulative but she never faltered from her convictions. And she expected that you never would either.

I spent much of my free time with her and yet most of my memories are of doing.. she was not the type of grandma that one would expect to cook brownies for them. In all honesty I don't ever remember her cooking anything. As a matter of fact one time I asked her to show me how to bake a cake (I was about 8 or 9). She looked at me very carefully handed me a box of cake mix and said "if you can read you can cook" and then she left the room. Another time I asked if she could teach me how to make orange juice, now my grandma had two gorgeous fruit bearing orange trees in her back yard, once again she looked down her nose and gave me that oh so regal look that only she could manage... handed me a can of frozen orange juice and said "if you can read... you can make orange juice" obviously she was big on reading.

When I was very small she would make all of my dresses, up into at least first grade maybe second. These were simple ordinary dresses but her coupe de gras was she would take the material over to the van's (yes we had a van's shoe factory in my hometown) factory and have a pair of gym shoes made to match. How cool was that. She often attended us on our weekend jaunts to the nearby mountains and one of my favorite pictures of her is of her flying down the hill in an innertube. No One Else's grandma did that.

As I got older (ok 8) she needed a traveling companion.. this started several years of trips, Hawaii, the west coast, the east coast. Each would be a 3 week to a month adventure. I discovered the beauty of Hawaii, the amazing history of our country and the true beauty of the pacific northwest. All because grandma needed a traveling partner. Yes I was spoiled.

But to whom much is given, much is expected. I was and am an emotional being, rather thin skinned and easily hurt. She saw that as a failing.. expecting me to buck up, be strong, don't let my feelings show. She was a tough old broad and she expected that of all the women around her. and God forbid you ever say I can't. She would raise herself up to her formidable height (I say almost 6' but the family says more like 5'8" but I feel mine is better for the stories sake), so she would pull herself up to her full almost 6 feet of height, look down that aristocratic nose and say "You are an American and the last four letters of American spell I CAN". needless to say as a child one would think that was hokey but it was pretty cool.

As you can tell this woman was an amazing gift to those of us who knew her. I am sure I will be revisiting her often but for now that is it.

Be Well All

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Women in Politics, Why Haven't We Had a Woman for President?

Years ago I was with my grandma when she was asked, "will the United States ever have a female president" astonishingly enough her answer was a resounding no, then she qualified that statement with the comment "not until women start being nicer to each other. Right now we are just too mean" It was a moment I never forgot. As I aged and matured and went into the work force I saw it again and again, women destroying other women. Who knows why, petty jealousies, insecurities? There really is no telling.

Currently only 3 of the G7 nations have not had a female leader.. Japan, Italy and the US. We claim to be a country that leads and yet we smash our women into mediocrity. But it gets worse, India, Indonesia, Pakistan, Chile, Liberia and
Sri Lanka have all had female leaders. These are all countries where we as Americans are told they treat their women as 2nd class citizens. I wonder what first class is like?

This year we came oh so close and yet we gleefully destroyed the chances of a qualified individual, merely i think, because she was a woman. Hilary Clinton came to the White House as First Lady, she wanted to work with her husband, change health care. That was her primary goal, yet we mocked and slammed her pushed at her saying we didn't elect her we elected her husband. She stepped back out of the limelight. What a pity imagine what our health care could be like now. As she
began her run for our first woman president she had to run as a woman with a man's point of view. We didn't allow her to run from a woman's perspective. Which was a shame, she is a brilliant woman, warm and funny when allowed to be. Now as a registered republican I don't agree with all she says or believes but I do respect the woman. We as a nation let that dream fall through the cracks for a less qualified, more charismatic man. Oh granted it is still an historic run for the presidency but we let a golden opportunity slip through our fingers.

Now the Republicans have countered with Sarah
Palin, I am still not sure what I think of her. Sadly I will probably be voting the other ticket this time. But Sarah Palin has brought her own set of female values and ideals to the forefront. And the loudest clammer I hear against her is not is she qualified (which we do hear a lot) but how can she be vice-president and have all those children? Hello? Working mothers can not succeed? Have you not heard the phrase, want something done ask a busy woman. The saddest part of all is that it is not the men bringing her down. No it is the women decrying that she can not do both. This amazes and astounds me why not? I know the women in my family have managed, some more successfully than others, to work and raise their children. Who am I the child of such strong women to decry that any woman can do this? and better yet who are you?

The thing that amazes me is that my grandma's words still ring true.. almost 40 years later. Women will never get anywhere until we learn to be nicer to each other.

Tuba Girl

So my youngest plays the tuba.. well so does my oldest but that is an entirely different story. We all knew tuba players back in the day and I am sure the ones you knew were just as odd as the ones I knew. I should know I dated not one but two tuba players. I wonder what that says about me? Oh well back on track.

Now please understand as I tell you this story, my daughter is a clever intelligent girl with a wonderful thirsty mind.. but she is such a blond! One evening this fall after band practice she came home limping.. now being the fond and caring parent that I am I pretty much ignored it. She is after all a bit of a hypochondriac. The next morning upon waking I heard her asking her sister and brother where the trainer's office was? Listening to the squabbling that accompanied the question and answer I failed to even wonder why she would want to know. That night I was at a choir boosters meeting and upon walking out of the room I saw Rem, standing there waiting to go in for swing choir. Observant mother that I am, I noticed right off she was on crutches. Dumbfounded I asked her why she was on them. Seems she had pulled a ligament in her knee, it was swollen to almost twice the size of her other one!!

Now here's what happened.. I kid you not.

During Marching Band practice the previous evening she had been doing her routine, following all directions, behaving, in general just getting the work done. When suddenly a gust of wind came and lifted her sousaphone right off her shoulder, causing her to loose her balance and fall. Now I know as a parent I am supposed to show concern but really I get to be the proud parent of the first person in history to get a TUBA injury. How can any parent even remotely keep a straight face? Now don't get me wrong it was a real injury and took a few weeks to heal properly but every time i think of it i have to laugh. Remember I have two tuba players in house and dated two more.. one would think I had seen it all. Laffin maybe now I have.

Enjoy your day all

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Each Day Something New To Deal With

Every day when I wake up I wonder if today will be the day when I can get out of the fiasco I have arrived in. Over the past few months we have been living in a hotel. Now initially this was to be a short term prospect I had a place lined up to move to all I had to do was wait for my income taxes to get in. Now my taxes would have been more than enough to get us settled. Of course for the first time ever there was a problem with my taxes. And here it is 9 months later and I am still waiting. The government says that there is no problem they are in process. I have even filed a claim but to no avail. It has of course driven me to the point of insanity. While living here I have paid what would amount to two years rent elsewhere, not to mention storage for all of my belongings. This of course leaves us short for everything else.

Now I am not complaining because my own choices brought me here, but some days I just want to scream. The cabin fever crawls through all of us and leaves us just biting each others heads off. I worry so about the damage I am causing my kids. Oh I know they are still better off than many. They live in the town they grew up in, attend the high school with all of their friends and are able to participate in almost all of the activities that they want to. And I know that they will survive this but I do wonder if I will.

As a parent we want to give our children everything and if we can't do that we want to give them at least the security of having a home to call their own with their things around them. I know when things are going good I tend to give them more than I should and yet it doesn't change the fact that I am living in hope that I can once again give them all I can. What bothers me the most is the fact that they resent my choices. I have pretty much sacrificed everything for them and my reward is angry sullen teenagers. Or at least towards me, with the assumption that I do not do anything to help out or get things accomplished. This too is very frustrating for me, especially since I have given them so much over the years.

Not that they don't help out, they do. JR offers what he can from his paycheck but is working hard at school and finally has his priorities straight. Cori spent most of his summer earnings helping out as he could and Frankie used her earnings to help out and yet pay for her own school needs. So while I mumble and get angry I appreciate all that they have done. Which of course makes the anger and the cabin fever harder and harder to deal with.

Will we survive? of course, and with a strong family unit intact but in the meantime I worry. About everything.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

An Adventure Into Blogging

Today I have started on this adventure called blogging. While I have no specific direction for this particular blog I wanted to get started.

My life, as I am sure most of yours are, is a mixture of confusion and madness. I am attempting to raise four children on my own. I have been a single mother since my oldest was 9 and my youngest was 3, they are now 14, 16, 18 and 20. Needless to say they rule my life. Actually they have become the center of my world. Some days my entire day seems to focus around what I can do for them, what I have done for them or God forbid, what I haven't done for them. Not that I am complaining they are pretty fantastic individuals, each has developed a unique personality and a creative individuality. I am sure I will be writing often of my journey as their mother. See the world does revolve around them.

I have come to a crossroads in my life and want to see what else I can do with it. I am sure you all will soon get to hear about the insane and clueless adventures of Shauni. Each day has been another growing opportunity for me, just opening my eyes some days seems like an adventure or an opportunity for fun. Of course there are those days when I think I am winning just because I did open my eyes.

I hope to extend this blog to include a few book reports and movie reports. Maybe share some of my photography. I am not sure exactly what I will end up with but for now where I want it to be go. We will see where it ends up.

For now I hope you all bear with me and enjoy the time I spend here with you all