Saturday, October 25, 2008

Traveling Down the Road To Insanity

Recently I spoke of changes and choices and how my life has been filled with both. First off the change of not having a secure income and living place and secondly by choosing all of the wrong things.

I am a single mother, who because of a series of decisions by both myself and my former employer am out of work. Loosing my job was absolutely devastating, I don't loose jobs, i am a good solid worker, reliable and focused. I am polite, respect office policies and don't speak in a vulgar manner. And yet I was let go for reasons that have just recently become clear to me. When I first lost my job I settled into a deep funk that took me ages to get out of. Unsure of my most basic capabilities. Each decision was questioned and then ignored, allowing life to flow around me yet not doing anything to fix it. I struggled both emotionally and physically finding it hard to even leave my home.

Circumstances played out that I had to move and the apartment we were going to move to was rented to a family member so we were basically left homeless, moving into a hotel for temporary amount of time we waited for my taxes before moving on. Of course there was a problem with our taxes and they never arrived.. leaving us in a hotel room that was costing us more than double what an apartment would and draining all of our savings. So I struggled making decisions based on day to day life, reacting instead or acting. Then I met a former co-worker astoundingly enough in the lobby of the hotel. Seems the company had over the year laid off or fired any employee making a decent salary and replaced them with ones that worked for less.

It is amazing the difference that this knowledge has done for my attitude. Suddenly I am making decisions again, unafraid to be wrong, secure in the fact that I am perfectly capable of doing it all. I am still unemployed, still living with my four kids in a hotel room, still paying way too much.. but life is suddenly better.


  1. I know what you mean about how just knowing can change your whole perspective. Good luck in your future evdeavors gal, welcome back to the world.

  2. The world is not kind, and it is easy to just sit back and give up. But it is easier to stand up and do something about it. You seem to be a strong person. Your will seems like it is still there. Although money can not buy happiness, it is a necessity in our world to survive. We all make stupid choices sometimes. I myself have made quite a few myself. I hope you the best. After you get to the top of that mountain, yell as loud as you can so that you let everyone know that you made it.