Thursday, June 20, 2013

When the Juggling Stops

Day to day life can be scary.. There are bills to pay, children to feed, lives to lead.. sometimes when juggling you drop a ball.. and for some reason picking it back up and starting the juggling again is just too darn hard. 

This happened to me a few years ago.. I lost my job and somehow my carefully constructed house of cards collapsed.. first I lost the apartment.. then I couldn't find a new job (this has NEVER happened to me before) then I just sort of gave up. It was too darn hard to keep going. Oh sure at this time three of the kids were still in school so I made token attempts at getting life going. But when I wasn't doing something for the kids I just sort of hid.

Yes, depression.. I know.. it probably was but I have worked with depression most of my life.. I just keep going.. one foot in front of the other until I get through water ever needed to be gotten through. This time it was just too darn hard. I gave up. In some ways I am still dealing with that.. 

I need to leap.. to take that scary first step and will be doing so soon. Just too darn scared to figure out how to do it.. 

I have been given enough chances to hide.. enough chances to try and now it's time.. but folks it's scary.. This time I am doing it for me.. not for the kids but for me.. and honestly, doing it for the kids was easier.. I HAD to take care of them, that was my job.. my reason for being.. but I did that job and I did it very well.. they have all fled the nest and now... well we will see


Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Still Struggling.. but little things are happening

This is an embarrassing fact but until recently (today) I could not pick things up off the floor without bending my knees. In other words, just bending at the waist.. no go.. I had to bend my knees and sorta crouch in order to pick something up..

Today I went to pick up my shoes when I thought what the heck, let's see if I can do this. And sure enough I was able to bend over and pick it up. I was so excited. I have spent the entire day walking around..stopping and bending over to pick something up. Yeah, silly.. but still what a feeling.

That simple accomplishment put a new spark in my desire.. It's one of the cool things about loosing weight. The initial struggle is hard just to get up and walk is hard. Emotionally.. then something like this happens and I am excited all over again. And since I need to loose so much there will be plenty of occasions to celebrate!! 

Gotta go pick something up... 


Monday, June 17, 2013

Playoffs, Playoffs, Playoffs

It was an eventful weekend in the playoffs.. The Blackhawks and Bruins played two games in one with an exciting triple overtime in game 1 with the Blackhawks winning. Sadly, the Bruins came back over the weekend and tied up the series, winning in OT as well.. No matter who wins this promises to be a fantastic series!!

The Spurs are one of my favorite teams in the NBA.. and the Heat are so NOT.. I love the Spurs because they are a TEAM.. they get that the individual does not matter as much as the team. Excellent coaching and stupendous leadership in the form of Tim Duncan has made this team a quiet winner. Tim easily stands with the greats of basketball but he never proclaims superstardom.. he just goes out there and gets the job done..

The Heat on the other hand represent all that is wrong with the NBA today.. it's me me me.. I am a superstar.. I don't need a TEAM.. Instead of being a team of individuals.. they are individuals that wear the same uniform and call themselves a team.. Oh sure LeBron on a good day can do what it takes an entire team of the Spurs to do.. but what happens when he has a bad day? Oh yeah the team crashes.. While the Spurs just slip in another player to step up and play.. 

I have long detested this form of "team" playing and I consistently blame Phil Jackson for introducing this format with the rise of Michael Jordan. And while there are those who claim that the Bulls went out and got a team for Michael, the proof is.. when he left the team tanked.. So what the team got was a cast of supporting players.. Sort of like when it went from being the Supremes to Diana Ross and the Supremes.. Basketball is not supposed to be about Divas it's supposed to be about a TEAM.. *stepping down from the soapbox* 

I am excited to watch the way both of these series end up.. Sure I am routing for the Hawks but if the Bruins win and the rest of the series is played out like the first two games... then I will be applauding the Bruins.. Because they will have earned that cup.. 

Now if the Spurs loose.. yeah nothing is gonna make me cheer the Heat.. go SPURS


Sunday, June 16, 2013

Happy Father's Day

Oh the Sunday Mornings we shared!! Makes me miss my Dad.. of course he's just in Utah not permanently gone..

For all you father's out there, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!!

Monday, June 10, 2013

Living My Own Story

Do you ever get to that point when you know, you just know deep down in your very soul that the time for action is now? That the time to make your next move is now? That the time to follow your dream is now? How do you respond to it? How do you plan for it? How do you live it? 

Recently my insane life went from weird to really weird and I once again fell off the apple cart. I was sitting there all snug on my way to nowhere before I was dumped on my derriere and forced to make some life altering decisions. Honestly, I was capable of making the decision to get up in the morning let alone what I was going to do with the rest of my life. 

Oh sure, in theory I knew when Blond Girl graduated I would be free!! I needed to escape the town that had held me captive.. The town where I raised my kids but never felt welcome in. I needed to be free to fly.. But how was I going to do that? I certainly didn't prepare.. life usually just sort of happened for me. I mean for 25 years my entire focus was raising my kids, giving them the most stable environment possible.. Since my family lives out of state and the ex's family pretty much ignored us (all except one wonderful sister) the only stability I could offer my kids was to remain in the same town. Don't get me wrong it's a nice town with really lovely people. A Town that takes care of it's children with open hearts.. I knew my kids would have the best of both worlds, living with the small town mentality, that was really 20 minutes from Chicago. But it wasn't me. I didn't fit.. I fractured here. 

Of course some of my fracturing was due to the ex and the battle for survival I had both during and after my marriage. I didn't have time to think of myself I focused on raising happy, well adjusted children.. and if I do say so myself, I did a fantastic job. But they are all adults now, on their way in life with exciting futures ahead of them. Me, I am 50 and ready to live, really live. I just don't know how. I need to get out of this place.. I need to stop living someone else's story and start living mine. 

Right now I am staying with a friend and her family, what lovely people.. they opened their hearts and home up to me and honestly, I don't know where I would be if they hadn't.... BUT.. I am living their story, their traditions, their hopes, dreams and dramas.. As it should be if I am living in their house.. I am not complaining about them.. so don't even think I am.. what I have discovered is that the brief pause in my story is coming to an end.. I am getting geared to take the next leap.. start telling my own  story. I just am not sure how I need to begin.. 

I hear the call loud and clear, it is all but pulsing in my mind.. so soon my friends the next chapter begins.. just not sure where..


Friday, June 7, 2013

Just One More Match!

I seriously love this kid.. ok man.. what an extraordinary match.. I am thinking this semi final is going to stand out for a long long time

Sunday, June 2, 2013

The Lightning Rider Tour

Sorry all, somehow this blog got listed as a stop on Jen Greyson's Lightning Rider Tour.. It shouldn't have been but what the heck.. I can promote here as well as there..


I’m a mama to two boys and wife to a rockstar of a guy. I write fantasy (new adult & middle grade) and university courses and try not to mix the two. My debut novel, Lightning Rider, comes out May 2013 from the house that launched 50 Shades of Grey (minus about 99% of the naughty). When I’m not in front of my computer in my office, I’m in front of my computer in the wilderness somewhere. My offensively non-green camper and accessorizing generators are in full-service from April to October. Otherwise, you can find me on my wakeboard or snowmobile, some days, sans computer. I’m also passionate about cramming disaster prep into busy mama lives. If there’s something you’d love to know, and I haven’t covered it yet,

don’t hesitate to drop me a line at: or



Heiress to a time-traveling dynasty, Evy Rivera is finally claiming her birthright as a lightning rider. Problem is, she’s forced to learn it alongside Constantine, a prickly, obstinate Roman warrior who constantly challenges her to be the woman he sees in her. Thrown back into ancient Spain, Evy must rely on guts and instinct to wield her lightning as a weapon and outsmart Ilif, her quasi-mentor who believes time traveling should be left to the Rivera men. During her training, Evy and Constantine battle the push-pull of their explosive relationship, aware the 2,000-year span between their lives is an unavoidable hurdle. Caught between a centuries-old battle rife with secrets, Evy must learn whom to trust before she risks everything and the wrong history repeats itself. When the heritage her parents have suppressed mingles with the past, Evy hopes to find answers . . . Is she rewriting the right history? And who is she becoming?  

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