Monday, June 10, 2013
Living My Own Story
Do you ever get to that point when you know, you just know deep down in your very soul that the time for action is now? That the time to make your next move is now? That the time to follow your dream is now? How do you respond to it? How do you plan for it? How do you live it?
Recently my insane life went from weird to really weird and I once again fell off the apple cart. I was sitting there all snug on my way to nowhere before I was dumped on my derriere and forced to make some life altering decisions. Honestly, I was capable of making the decision to get up in the morning let alone what I was going to do with the rest of my life.
Oh sure, in theory I knew when Blond Girl graduated I would be free!! I needed to escape the town that had held me captive.. The town where I raised my kids but never felt welcome in. I needed to be free to fly.. But how was I going to do that? I certainly didn't prepare.. life usually just sort of happened for me. I mean for 25 years my entire focus was raising my kids, giving them the most stable environment possible.. Since my family lives out of state and the ex's family pretty much ignored us (all except one wonderful sister) the only stability I could offer my kids was to remain in the same town. Don't get me wrong it's a nice town with really lovely people. A Town that takes care of it's children with open hearts.. I knew my kids would have the best of both worlds, living with the small town mentality, that was really 20 minutes from Chicago. But it wasn't me. I didn't fit.. I fractured here.
Of course some of my fracturing was due to the ex and the battle for survival I had both during and after my marriage. I didn't have time to think of myself I focused on raising happy, well adjusted children.. and if I do say so myself, I did a fantastic job. But they are all adults now, on their way in life with exciting futures ahead of them. Me, I am 50 and ready to live, really live. I just don't know how. I need to get out of this place.. I need to stop living someone else's story and start living mine.
Right now I am staying with a friend and her family, what lovely people.. they opened their hearts and home up to me and honestly, I don't know where I would be if they hadn't.... BUT.. I am living their story, their traditions, their hopes, dreams and dramas.. As it should be if I am living in their house.. I am not complaining about them.. so don't even think I am.. what I have discovered is that the brief pause in my story is coming to an end.. I am getting geared to take the next leap.. start telling my own story. I just am not sure how I need to begin..
I hear the call loud and clear, it is all but pulsing in my mind.. so soon my friends the next chapter begins.. just not sure where..