Friday, April 10, 2009
My Heart Broke Today
So today was a hard day for me and tomorrow is going to be worse. I have spent a lifetime with my children making holidays special.. especially Easter.. decorating eggs and an elaborate Easter Egg Hunt no matter where we lived. This year it is not going to happen, yes I realize they are older that they are teens and young adults but it matters to me. I want to be able to continue one simple tradition.
It is not going to happen oh not because they are older and aren't interested nope, I am pretty sure even Hair Boy at 20 would be out there searching.. No it isn't going to happen because I simply can't afford it, even the eggs. So yes today I am indulging in a bit of a pity party.. I have worked damned hard over the years I have struggled to make things look normal for my kids and I resent that I can not do it this year.
I resent that I sit here crying because I can not afford to color Easter Eggs... I resent that I sit here alone at all.. I guess I am angry at a lot and I am letting it focus on the eggs but I am angry and hurt and so darned tired of doing it alone. Easter is going to be very very hard for me this year.. and I guess the main reason is once again I am doing it alone..
The good news is, I know I will bounce back, I will get better and eventually I will smile. Why? Because that is who I am..