Saturday, April 18, 2009
Hormones and Insanity
Allow me to start this blog with I seriously hate hormones.. and I mean seriously..
When I was a child I was an insanely emotional being some I know insisted that I was over emotional. Now that may or not be the case but I learned to shut down some of the intensity. Not let everything upset me and I mean everything but it had a price. In some ways I became very one dimensional, I smiled all the time saw the good in just about everything and my single act of teenage rebellion was to go behind my parents back to get baptized.
Not that getting baptized wasn't a huge emotional moment but a lot of things that I should have dealt with in my life I didn't. The things that should have caused me huge emotional pain really just irked me. Upset me for a moment then I moved on. In a way I was stunted.
So this past year I have been pushing to find those emotions again.. the problem of course is in the timing.. I mean do I really want to discover hidden emotional capabilities when I am hitting the pre menopause state.. Good Lord!! I found the stupid emotions.. now please can I give them back??
I have cried because my kids were disrespectful to the fact that my child support check is late. Oh wait, someone doesn't like me, well let me get upset over that.. being late for a meeting?? more tears.. sheesh.. and of course there is the inability to focus.. I am usually one to roll up my sleeves and fix things but it seems I am completely immobilized..
I have finally gotten to the point where I wonder what meds I can take to fix some of it and I am not a take a pill kinda girl.. but in the mean time life goes on every incident a potential tragedy..
If I don't laugh I am gonna cry so for now I am seriously gonna laugh...