Thursday 13 #6 - 13 reasons I am Happy it is almost May

So it is Thursday and I decided to join the Thursday 13 crew, for more information on this one go check out this blog and maybe come along for the fun..


13 Reasons I am Happy it is almost May

1. I live in Chicago.. hello april is considered a winter month..

2. I love May day.. as a child we would place baskets of flowers on the porches of our loved ones then leave (a sort of ritual ding dong ditch)

3. Flowers lots and lots of flowers

4. The air starts to warm and then dance upon your skin.. you feel it seep inside and brings you strength

5. The High School spring musical is always the First Sat in May

6. The days start to lengthen

7. Some of my favorite people in all the world were born in May

8. Memorial Day.. hey it s a great day

9. People come out of hibernation

10. Baseball is in full swing

11. Dreams start to become real

12. Summer escape is just a touch away...

13. Because May is a beautiful wonderful month full of promise and sunshine..

boy this was the easiest one ever

Ok, this was just STUPID

As you all know I have had a hate/hate relationship with the Illinois Child Support System. I have fought many many battles over the years and am usually the innocent party.

Well this time I am beyond stupid.. when they changed to location of where the checks came from since the ex is now unemployed I needed to veryify that they had the correct address.. I needed to fax my new addy over. Now being used to a system that created lollygagging I didn't rush the fax.

You guessed it the check was mailed and now I must wait for it to be redirected to the correct location.. How could I have even remotely been THAT stupid??

A TIme for Everything

There is a time for everything, including a time to withdraw into yourself and renew the challenge of course comes in finding when the time to stop "renewing" and get your butt in order...

I have spent the last two years recovering for lack of better word.. fearing anything and everything... i have often been afraid to leave my very home because I know that bad things will happen when I am gone... as though I could fix it if I were there..

During this time of internal renewal I have met some awesome people via my blogs and such.. they have become a part of my life with such an intensity it amazes me, scares me... now I am once again facing reality and moving forward.. which as boring as it is, is much easier for me to deal with...

I shut my emotions down.. stopped looking inward and am looking towards a new hope.. I beg that God in His gloriousness allows me to become the light I was meant to be.. and if not then I pray that I have the strength to be what He intends..

I go forth today facing the sunshine.. in the full light of day... be strong

Not Me Monday #6

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week. I personally found it at On the Verge a blog that has a wicked take on raising multiple children. Something I obviously have in common with both authors of the above mentioned blogs.

so today I am not going to...

1. I am NOT going to go outside and enjoy the warm weather..

2. I am not going to smile at adversity

3. I am not going to appreciate the splendor of my God

4. I am not going to turn off the computer and read a book.

5. I am not going to remember that I too have flaws.

6. I am not going to stress out if I can't figure out 10 things to say

7. I am NOT NOT NOT going to do laundry

8. I am not going to double check all the Bear's draft choices and see if they made a good choice.

9. I am not going to worry about the beasties.. err I mean teenagers

10. I am not going to forgive those who hurt me...

this was fun... I actually made 10 without much effort... I just wanted to make sure I told you all to NOT have a good day...

Watching the Draft

I am never quuite sure why but I love to watch the NFL draft.. not gee why don't we catch the highlights on ESPN nope I like to watch then entire two day process.. It makes me believe in magic..

All these excited athletes and families waiting for their chance to have a career in a job they love. I know many go into it for the money but there are those few who play the game because they just absolutely love it.

I think the quote of the day belongs to Eugene Morris... I don't have the direct quote but basically he said I don't care if I was picked in the first round or the 7th round I am going to get to play football and I am here to work... WOW what an amazing young man..

Oh the glory players were all picked and most were sufficiently grateful and humble but there were a few showboaters out there. I always feel sorry for the one who slides from where they were "supposed" to be picked right on down the line.. and of course listening to the broadcasters pontificate always makes me smile..

I of course have a tendency to want the USC players to place well as that is my team... not that I went there or anything just favor that team.. but of course every year there is another team that strikes my fance and I wait to see where there players go...

My kids think I am nuts... well they always think I am nuts but this one is special.. now all I have to go.. back to the draft for me..

IT IS OFFICIAL

What you may ask?? Well the fact that I am PLAINLY INSANE

The other day I was reading a blog over at Darnuth Keep and realized how very much I enjoyed them. I envied Kelly the ability to do this. I envied her ability to be responsible and dedicated I envied her, her ability to take the time to write such beautiful words and I envied her, her desire to hone her craft.

Then I woke up and realized that I did not need to envy her, no I could emulate her. From tomorrow on.. well maybe tonight depending on when I accomplish this feat. I am going to post a poem a day.

What I liked most about Kelly was her admission that hey the goal was a poem a day but it didn't always happen. She did not beat herself up over this nope she just kept plugging away. So that is my goal.. to write a poem a day but to realize that some days life will not allow for this.

I also liked the fact that she felt these poems were not always her best work but continued to post them.. why? because while they were not her best work they did help her to hone her craft.. so that is my goal to write a poem a day and to realize that they may not be my best effort but an effort still..

I honestly can not believe I am starting yet another blog but there you have it I am PLAINLY INSANE and IT IS OFFICIAL

so please all feel free to come along for the ride on my brand spanking new blog.. too young to even earn an entrecard.. Shauni's Dreams that Come

Susan Boyle Gets a Makeover!!

I know she said she wouldn't but I love this makeover.. I really think she did just the right thing to feel good about herself. No grandiose plans no crazy do just a little bit of personal care.. and WOW does it make a difference. As a member of the over 40 and slightly plump crowd it made me feel like hey I could look good just the way I am.. So thanks Susan.. You are an inspiration in a million ways..

BEFORE


AFTER

A Slight Correction

In my last blog I spoke of the woman who left her children on the side of the road and drove away.. I was not by any means condoning her actions.. I was really more angry than imagined because her children had no sense of team.. I know it sounds silly because as a parent goodness knows I have failed over and over again.. but I truly believe that my children have a strong sense of self and of their siblings. They believe in each other in ways I could only dream of.

Please understand when I said I understood her frustration I meant just that I understood it.. came close to doing something very similar I did not CONDONE it.. our children are our most precious commodity and should be coddled and protected.. loved and nurtured and we as parents should ALWAYS put them before ourselves..

Yes we need to provide structure and discipline, we need to teach them right from wrong and we need to tell them no... but our needs while important are not the most important... we need to be the parents they need not have our children be the children we need.. if that makes any sense at all.

I guess what hurt me so much about my previous post was the fact that this poor little girl was wandering around alone abandoned by her mother and her sister.. I just wanted them to be found together.. ready to take on the world.

Sighs guess we don't always get what we want.. of course I would prefer that their mother has been able to hold it together until she got to the end of their block..making them get out and walk in a familiar environment would not have been a bad thing..

Oh well she made a choice and will now pay for it for the rest of her life..

Police say mom ordered daughters out, drove off

I was perusing yahoo news and found this article Yahoo Article it is about a mother who was so frustrated with her two daughters ages 10 and 12 she told them to get out of the car and drove off.

They were about 3 miles from home and it seems it was a highly traumatic experience for the girls.. now while I am not condoning such behavior I do understand it. Once Pita Boy was so bad while in the back seat of the car I pulled over on the Expressway and told him to get out and proceeded to pull up oh about 20 feet.. of course I can not believe I was ever that stressed.. and as soon as it happened I backed up and got him... This was not my shining moment as a mother but it does give me a basis for judgment..

Now when this happened and believe me Pita Boy was being HORRID to his siblings all three of them stood up for him against me. My children stood together and strong. These two girls actually went their separate ways.. the 10 year old found wandering and afraid by the police. While I can understand how a mother could get that frustrated I know with indisputable fact that my children would stick together to survive the emergency and then resume fighting.. and that I think was the greatest tragedy of all.. yes the mother should never have left her children if she needed to catch a break from the fighting she should have pulled over and stepped out of the car.. or shoot it was only about 3 miles from her home she could have just sucked it up.

I know her goal was to teach these girls a lesson but it certainly has backfired, child protective services have gotten involved and she was arrested AND her girls suffered. They suffered the most because they could not put their arguments aside and work together to get out of the mess they were in.

Sorry for this rambling babbling blog but for some reason this article touched several serious sensitive areas with me. Oh and for the record Pita Boy doesn't even remember the incident (I just asked)... so he was not scared for life thank goodness..

I Can See the Future and It Isn't Pretty

So the ex lost his job in theory it is not the end of the world as the payments will be taken straight out of unemployment and sent to me. Wonderful thing theory.. As you all know I have been battling the child support system for over 12 years. This past year having been one of the worst. Unfortunately it was not the worst. The very worst year I received child support it was handled directly by the state of Illinois.. Now here is the sad part.. my money would be held for up to 8 weeks at a time. I lost not one but two apartments over this and it took years to rebuild my credit.

Why is that pertinent? Well because my checks will no longer go through the state disbursement unit which is bad enough.. oh no now because of the unemployment it will be going through the state once more.. this is the same facility that I struggled with, fought with and finally dealt with the governor's office to get out of. Now I am being told that they get me again.. I would hope since it is coming from one state facility to another it will be all electronically transferred and not too much stress..

What a pipe dream that... while they may transfer from dept to dept I am not sure but I have just discovered they do not do direct deposit. That means I have to wait upon a check. What a crock.. depending on the mail?? and who in this day and age doesn't offer direct deposit? and honestly the State of Illinois does not offer direct deposit? What century are they living in?

So in short, goodness knows when my money will show up. Then when it shows up when will it transferred to my account? Then of course when will they condescend to actually mail it and finally.. when will the mailman deliver it.. Sheesh I am NEVER going to see my money.. Thank Goodness that the state insisted on protecting me from a deadbeat dad.. who by the way has paid every single child support payment on time..

Makes one wonder exactly who the deadbeats are, doesn't it?

Hormones and Insanity

Allow me to start this blog with I seriously hate hormones.. and I mean seriously..

When I was a child I was an insanely emotional being some I know insisted that I was over emotional. Now that may or not be the case but I learned to shut down some of the intensity. Not let everything upset me and I mean everything but it had a price. In some ways I became very one dimensional, I smiled all the time saw the good in just about everything and my single act of teenage rebellion was to go behind my parents back to get baptized.

Not that getting baptized wasn't a huge emotional moment but a lot of things that I should have dealt with in my life I didn't. The things that should have caused me huge emotional pain really just irked me. Upset me for a moment then I moved on. In a way I was stunted.

So this past year I have been pushing to find those emotions again.. the problem of course is in the timing.. I mean do I really want to discover hidden emotional capabilities when I am hitting the pre menopause state.. Good Lord!! I found the stupid emotions.. now please can I give them back??

I have cried because my kids were disrespectful to the fact that my child support check is late. Oh wait, someone doesn't like me, well let me get upset over that.. being late for a meeting?? more tears.. sheesh.. and of course there is the inability to focus.. I am usually one to roll up my sleeves and fix things but it seems I am completely immobilized..

I have finally gotten to the point where I wonder what meds I can take to fix some of it and I am not a take a pill kinda girl.. but in the mean time life goes on every incident a potential tragedy..

If I don't laugh I am gonna cry so for now I am seriously gonna laugh...

Adding A Donate Button

I have considered this very deeply believe me I was incredibly worried about appearing to be begging for cash. This is not my way.. but after some careful consideration and advice from my fellow bloggers I have gone ahead and done it.

Look right on over to your left.. take a peek yes there it is.. if you enjoy the site and would like to donate to the upkeep of it (ok the upkeep of the muse for the site) please feel free.. I would not like to keep anyone from fulfilling some previously unknown deep seeded need to donate..

Sorry.. I couldnt help myself.. but there you have it, the lovely donate button.. ignore it if you choose. I still want to see your smiling faces coming around to visit.

Thursday 13 #5 - Sandcastles

So it is Thursday and I decided to join the Thursday 13 crew, for more information on this one go check out this blog and maybe come along for the fun..


13 Sandcastles.. There is just something about what dreams may come.. at least that is what I think of when I think of sandcastles and the following are amazing.. now for some reasons they did not shrink as they should. So until I can get my act together I wanted to make sure you could see the entire pictures so please go on over to this Sandcastles Blog so you can see the whole thing plus lots more.. Below are sneak peaks of my favs...


1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

The hardest part of course was deciding on just 13.. what an amazing talent..

Condoleeza

With all the furor over Michelle Obama we tend to forget another gracious and lovely African-American who served her country. She did it with style and grace.. she was the first such woman in a position of true power and she was in the party that most African-Americans veer away from..

Yet she did her job, she helped pave the way.. she had class and elegance and a belief in what she was doing. In the mockery that was W's administration one did not hear bad things about Condi.. nope.. at most people made jokes on the name not at the woman.

But she also didn't get the accolades she deserved... I saw her the other night on Leno (ok it was a rerun) she was gracious in defeat. Supported the current president and didn't offer unsolicited advice. It made me like her even more.. no flash this just substance pure and simple..

Honestly one of the reasons the O'bamas have it so well is because of people like Condi.. gracious and dignified.. just thought I would state my piece..

A Cinquain Challenge

I have been challenged by a friend to write two Cinquains.. now she challenged me in an entirely different format and I have chosen to accept, just me being me I have chosen to accept on my terms not hers.. giggles sorry sweetie can't help it. So here they are about me.. enjoy

Shauni
Creative, Insane
Insecure, Loyal and Emotional
Me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MOM
Unique, Bohemian
Promising, Interesting, Annoying
A Mom to four, what more can be said
ME

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shauni
Polite, Bright, Strong
Seeking, Growing, Learning
Ever Insistant there is More
Shauni

So here is my challenge to you.. write a Cinquain, make it blog appropriate.. see this blog is about me therefore my cinquains are aboutme.. my other blog Jugglingteens is about my kids so my cinquains would be as well.

What is a Cinquain you may ask? It is a poem, structured and concise not unlike a haiku in it's regiment just less known outside of poetry circles for some reason.. guess haiku just sounds sexier or something.. The poems can be of three separate styles within and hold a separate purpose for each style. The style types are outlined below.

• Line1: One word
  Line2: Two words
  Line 3: Three words
  Line 4: Four words
  Line 5: One word

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

• Line1: A noun
  Line2: Two adjectives
  Line 3: Three -ing words
  Line 4: A phrase
  Line 5: Another word for the noun

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

• Line1: Two syllables
  Line2: Four syllables
  Line 3: Six syllables
  Line 4: Eight syllables
  Line 5: Two syllables

These Past Few Days Have Been a Bit Off

I just wanted to say I am sorry for the past few blogs.. by nature I am an extremely positive person who really does see the glass half full. Shoot I tend to think of it not only as half full but how easy it would be to fill it up the rest of the way. I honestly am grateful for so many things that happen every day... just the fact that I woke up today is a reason to rejoice.

So to say I have been in a dark place is an understatement. I suppose when one chooses to see the positive sometimes the negative can be overwhelming. I don't know but the past few days have been hard on me. A thoughtless remark made in anger, the phone not ringing, unable to do what I need to do, angry children, I guess it all combined to just draw me in.

Now those may indeed sound like trivial thing I mean we are not talking global warming or world hunger just day to day life but they are my burdens and occasionally they win. I promise I will be back on track with a smile on my face soon enough. I can not help it, it is who I am.

I have actually been mocked because I look at the world through "rose colored glasses" I live in "fantasyland" or "can't face reality" and I am ok with that... I would rather have those accusations heaped at me than continually wallowing in despair. So I promise I will be back soon.. until then please bear with me life just seems to be winning right this moment.

When Did it Happen?

When did I become invisible? Was it that first time I smiled instead of demanded an apology? Was it the time I accepted the rant that was meant for another yet spewed at me? Or was it the moment I became? Was I ever really noticed?

I have to wonder when I just disappeared? When my ability to be me was over ridden by those that knew what was best for me? When did I become so insignificant that others felt it was acceptable to push me away? To not hold me when I cried? To blame me when it rained? and the part that bothers me is I have been so preconditioned to do so I accept it.

I bust my back trying to make everything perfect often letting everyone else take the credit when I crave it so.. I listen to them spew their venom at me like I deserve it... sighs I accept that otherwise I have no value to them.. and I have to wonder when did it happen? Did it happen overnight? or was it always so?

What bothers me is that I allow it to happen over and over again.. I am invisible unless something needs to be done then I am important. And me being so damned needy I jump through hoops to make them all happy but honestly when was the last time anyone did anything for the sheer reason of making me smile? and why have I allowed this?

I don't blame everyone else well not much, No honestly I blame me.. if it weren't me then it wouldn't reoccur in every aspect of my life. I wouldn't wake up and just suddenly know I was alone. The phone would be ringing, the plans would be being made. I wouldn't have been passed over for the next shiny object.

It seems I bring others together then watch them walk away leaving me behind.. I don't belong anywhere and honestly I have to wonder why? When did I allow this to happen? Why would I allow this to happen? why would I hide behind the cloak of invisibility? I just don't get it....

I want so much I can taste it..a constant yearning NEED for something more.. but it remains ever outside my reach.. dancing in the air just past my fingertips, taunting me with the promise of what if but never landing.. never happening.. so I continue trying to figure it out stumbling along alone.. shoot my family has slowly just written me off with... when they do think of me it is with an ohhhh Shauni kind of smile and then on they go to their family functions and reunions and gathering with nary a thought that hey maybe it would be nice to include me.

My friends, supposed friends fly right through Chicago rent cars and drive to their destinations and don't call.. I sit here in the midwest a square peg in a round hole alone... and I wonder when did I let this happen? Why did I let it happen? and maybe it is because it is all I am all I will ever be and honestly that just makes me sad..

I promise eventually the sun will come up, I will smile again but right now I am just a bit lost and floundering...

Happy Easter

Hope you all have your bonnets in the ready...

Seriously may you be blessed on this Holy Day...


* just wanted to make sure to state I pilfered this pic from the internet... as much as I would love to say it is mine.. alas it is not

Thank You All

On my last post I gave in to feelings of helplessness and despair. This is not my usual type of post. By nature I am a positive tomorrow is a another day kind of girl. I have spent a lifetime not refusing to see but refusing to let the trials and tribulations get me down. In a way it was the greatest gift God ever gave me, the ability to see that there is always hope. Unfortunately sometimes even I get overwhelmed and yesterday it hit with a vengeance.

I thought that I would just curl up and ignore what was coming wait for it to pass and then on Monday start picking up the pieces.. I wrote the words here because finally I had a place to say them. Instead of shoving them away or sucking it up and accepting that bad choices make a bad life. Of course my bad choices revolve around living a positive life, raising kids and committing my adult life to making them better people. No drugs, No alcohol, No cigarettes.. my addiction of choice.. books.. yes that is right I read to escape. Anyway back on track...

Yesterday I gave in to despair and I was offered such words of support and comfort both in my comments and in my private emails. Thank you all so very much I honestly didn't see that one coming. It was a gift beyond measure so while it still sucks that I can not do what I dream of for my kids I can take solace in the fact that there are those out there with compassionate and generous hearts..

Thank You

My Heart Broke Today

So today was a hard day for me and tomorrow is going to be worse. I have spent a lifetime with my children making holidays special.. especially Easter.. decorating eggs and an elaborate Easter Egg Hunt no matter where we lived. This year it is not going to happen, yes I realize they are older that they are teens and young adults but it matters to me. I want to be able to continue one simple tradition.

It is not going to happen oh not because they are older and aren't interested nope, I am pretty sure even Hair Boy at 20 would be out there searching.. No it isn't going to happen because I simply can't afford it, even the eggs. So yes today I am indulging in a bit of a pity party.. I have worked damned hard over the years I have struggled to make things look normal for my kids and I resent that I can not do it this year.

I resent that I sit here crying because I can not afford to color Easter Eggs... I resent that I sit here alone at all.. I guess I am angry at a lot and I am letting it focus on the eggs but I am angry and hurt and so darned tired of doing it alone. Easter is going to be very very hard for me this year.. and I guess the main reason is once again I am doing it alone..

The good news is, I know I will bounce back, I will get better and eventually I will smile. Why? Because that is who I am..

Thursday 13 #4 - 13 things I never knew

So it is Thursday and I decided to join the Thursday 13 crew, for more information on this one go check out this blog and maybe come along for the fun..

Thirteen Things I never knew

1. I never knew that no matter how hard I am pushed I can stand tall in what I believe.

2. I never knew that a child with ADHD qualifies for social security benefits... parents check this out there are requirements but I gave up 8 YEARS of financial assistance not because we didn't qualify or I chose not to but because I DID NOT KNOW.

3. I never knew life was going to be this hard

4. I never knew I would be alone at 46 and prefer it to being miserable in a marriage

5. I never knew I would have such a wonderful outlet in the blogging world

6. I never knew how very precious true friends are.. thank you those most precious

7. I never knew just how much I would sacrifice for my kids..

8. I never knew that no matter how wise I would get there would always be glimpses of the blond in me.

9. I never knew how very much I wanted to travel

10. I never knew how important other people's opinions of me would become..

11. I never knew I would long for the days when I was in school not because it was a fun time but because I just want to keep learning...

12. I never knew how hard it would be to come up with 13 things.. sheesh..

13. I never knew that I would dream of writing and taking pictures for a living..

giggles another 13 down

Child Support Strikes Again!!!

The one good thing I can say about the child support system is they are consistent. Here I stand once more waiting for checks that are over three weeks late. Of course it isn't their fault, they process them as soon as they come in... no way could the mistake be on their end. The check must have gotten lost in the mail (we discussed the unlikeliness of this in the past), the company is not mailing them (aside from the fact that the law says they have 10 to mail a check and I am wayyyyyy over 10 days late)... nope it can't be their problem.

Now the adventure is going to get better as the ex has been laid off and we have to go through not one but TWO govt bureaucracies... omg I will never see my money again!! I am wondering if I should get my boots back out and do some stomping???

I know that I am not the only one this has been happening to and I was honestly hoping that it was just the folks here in Illinois that are suffering from this but I spoke with a friend this morning and he was telling me about the trials of Michigan Child Support... Oh wow!! it is happening everywhere.. what he was telling me was almost identical to what is happening to me!!

Maybe a letter to the president is in order.. or better yet his wife!! They seem to care about families or they claim to let's see what happens if I do. Of course the last time I wrote a letter to the president, about child support (yes I did) it was Clinton and I didn't even get the common courtesy of a form letter response. I did get one from then Governor Edgar's office as well as some pretty heavy assistance..

Guess I do need to kick some ass.. Not just for me, mothers it seems need an advocate..

Not Me Mondays #5

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week. I personally found it at On the Verge a blog that has a wicked take on raising multiple children. Something I obviously have in common with both authors of the above mentioned blogs.

Today I am not going to......

1. I am not going to be upset that one dinner with my ex erased years of hard work with my son and his acceptance of his ADHD.

2. I am not going to stress that I actually am starting to have job interviews again.

3. I am not going to drool over the tea's at teavana.

4. I am not going to buy that nifty little black number that is for sale at old navy.

5. I am not going to do the happy dance now that spring break is over.

6. I am not going to worry about my daughter and her self image...

7. I am not going to do spring break laundry.. really I am going to leave it sit there for weeks on end.

8. I am not going to write 4 blogs today.

9. I am not going to worry about if I am making the right choices in my life.

10. I am not going to learn to soar.. stand on my own and be free...

have a great day all... I am not going to..

Good Old Governor Rod

Well the indictment came through, all 19 of them. All the while Gov. Rod is spouting off his innocence. Oh I know we live in an society that says innocent until proven guilty and we should not leap to conclusions but 19 indictments. Oh I know the press is blathering on about how he tried to sell then Senator Obama's Senatorial seat and yes that was bad but it wasn't the only thing.

This man was a bad governor and an even worse man. He is a criminal who we elected not once but twice. We CHOSE to ignore what we knew and refused to research what we didn't we LET the press decide that his boyish good looks (now considered smarmy) was a good enough reason to elect him. We WANTED to believe that this man was not corrupt that he cared about the people of Illinois. He didn't he was and is slime. He chose from the very beginning to put his needs and the needs of his family before those of his constituents. Don't get me wrong putting your family first is a fabulous thing except when you become an elected official then you become theirs.. Your responsibility is to them no longer your family or yourself.

And that is gov. Rod's true crime.. He was a selfish, egotistical man who wants it all and who got caught. He stepped over the line not because he threatened the press, bankrupted a state no because he dared to defile the current media darling's memory. One has to wonder if we would have been so offended if he had not used President Obama? Would the press have declared him evil or would they have swept it under the rug? I mean he wasn't doing anything everyone else wasn't doing.. I mean God forbid he step up and have morals and ethics.

Somehow we as a society have accepted that it is ok for our elected officials to lack ethics.. instead of demanding that they have MORE... maybe it is time we took a stand. Against the media for telling us what to think, our elected officials for lacking conviction and ourselves for letting it happen

What is your greatest dream?

What is your greatest dream? Mine is rather odd since there are so many things I could do and could do well but the one thing I dream of has never come to pass. I want to matter. I want to matter not because I pay the bills or you gave birth to me or because I will do all the work for you. I want to matter not because I have raised you or fought battles for you...

No I want to matter. I want someone to come to me and say you matter, your smile brings me joy.. your spirit makes my world a better place. No gee since you are such a wholesome girl next door you are my last chance at normal life. or you need someone who believes in you. No I want you to believe in me.

I want to be the reason someone wakes up not be blamed because someone gets a speeding ticket... I want to be the reason someone is proud not the reason they say they try and commit suicide.

I want someone to look at me and say the way you laugh at life is an inspiration not gee you live in a fantasy world. I want to be special to someone.. anyone.. just once I want to matter...

and the seriously sad part is I don't matter.. and it wouldn't matter if I took life seriously or not. It doesn't matter if I smile of if I cry accept when I cry it annoys people. So I learned to smile.. it makes everyone else happier.. feel like they are allowed to be awful human beings.. I want to matter enough that someone I have adored since childhood speaks to me not gets angry and doesn't speak to me for over 12 years because of a piece of material..

I want to matter.. oh I know I won't I am not blessed enough to be surrounded by people who value me.. but oh I dream...

Dealing with the Mommy Factor

It seems no matter how old one's children get there are times when they are just that... children.

My girls came home yesterday from a trip to Florida with the band and the entire lot of them have gone nuts. So here we sit in the small room and they are having a beanie baby fight. Why Word Girl decided that she needed to accept a bunch of beanie babies is beyond me. Why she would then want to bring them to this tiny room totally confuses me and yet there you have it.

I have a room full of teenagers, tossing beanie babies around and juggling..and then tossing the babies at the one who is juggling.. and oh yeah smiling and laughing.. darn it i can't even yell at them.. they are having fun and being nice to each other.. now that has got to stop....

I have decided to go on another trip... since I have that totally cool voucher I am going to go to my school anniversary party.. Our school is celebrating it's 50th anniversary (not my 50th reunion) and I think I am gonna scoot on off to the Coast and have some fun.. and the best part is.. I will still have at least 1 trip left...

oh well life sometimes is just good..

Thursday 13 # 3 -Thirteen things I am thankful for

So it is Thursday and I decided to join the Thursday 13 crew, for more information on this one go check out this blog and maybe come along for the fun..

for some reason today I am just grateful so I wanted to say thanks

1. I am thankful that I woke up today

2. I am thankful that I have the beasties (teenagers) to make my life a better place

3. I am thankful that my HS best friend Dorene Dakene.. made me restart my facebook

4. I am thankful that today I have a roof over my head

5. I am thankful that I have family that loves me inspite of my flaws

6. I am even more thankful I have family and friends who love me because of them

7. I am thankful that no matter how stupid I am or what bad choices I make, God has protected me.

8. I am thankful that no matter how rough life gets the sun still shines, even when we can't see it because we live in Chicago where it seems to be perpetually winter

9. I am thankful that there will be at least 13 people who will read this (ok.. that one just makes me giggle with glee cuz it makes me feel all special)

10. I am grateful God gave me the gift of gab, although I am equally sure there are many who would disagree

11. I am thankful that last night I was able to enjoy a good meal with a good friend.. thanks to the gift certificate from another good friend

12. I am thankful that I found a forum to share my views.. I think I was lost before I did

13. I am thankful that this is number 13 because as thankful as I am to be alive I guess that sums it up and I don't even need the first 12...