No, I am not back on the internet.. I do though have limited use of one in the downstairs lobby of the hotel. Not the best of circumstances but at least it provides an alternative to nothing.
A long time ago when I was the golden girl and my life was full of promise; I was considered the best of friends, the one people went to when they needed a shoulder to lean on, advice, or whatever.. then life hit and it hit hard. Over the past 11+ years of single parenthood I have struggled to put food on the table a roof over their heads and clothing on their backs. For years school clothes and school supplies were sent by my mom and Christmas? well it often happened because there is a Santa Claus, not because I had the wherewith all to provide a good one. And of course the ever ongoing struggle for money.. if you listen to their father he is the reason all good things have happened and if left up to me entirely we would be on the street. Of course this confuses me since I am here every single friggen day.. trying to give them whatever I can and his contribution? Child support and the occasional grand gesture.
But that is for another day, what I honestly want to talk about is the ongoing struggle that is seriously part of my life and yes many of it is from bad choices. I am not one to put the blame on another's shoulder just because it makes me look better. As hard as it has been, amazingly enough there have been some pretty awesome miracles along the way. Just tonight one was handed to me. Now I don't deserve such graciousness but not being an idiot I am not going to complain. For some reason even in my stupidity God smiles on me and sends me angels of grace and blessings. Just think how wonderful a tribute to Him I would be if I actually listened occasionally.
What I did want to say, is that when you are down and you wonder why those miracles never happen to you.. look around are the bills paid? Do you still have a job? healthy children? a roof over your head? Believe me the miracles are coming every day in teeny tiny little ways. Appreciate them and say a prayer in thanks for me. Remember we don't deserve our miracles we just get lucky