Friday, May 31, 2013
Why am I fat?
As I got older it actually got worse, because I had curves I was treated like the fat one.. even when my friends came over borrowed my clothes and they were too tight on the "skinny" girls. Yep, I was the same height but wore a smaller size and yet I was the "fat" girl.. How does this happen? For me it was those darn hips.. I had this teeny tiny waist (21 inches in high school) and to the faulty thinking of those around me.. if my waist was so tiny and yet I had hips obviously the hips must go. Who cares if my hip bones actually stuck out..
Even clothes designers were in on it.. remember "dittos" they were made for girls with straight figures.. I remember I had to buy a size 9 for my hips but the waistband gapped so much I could fit 8 squirt guns in them without anyone noticing.. (how do I know this? Something about smuggling squirt guns into Disneyland). And still I was the fat girl..
Looking back at my prom pictures, at my gorgeous prom dress I think.. I wore that? It was fitted for me.. and believe me no fat girl ever wore that dress. Too bad the girl at the time didn't know it. But it wasn't just me.. it was those around me.. My friends, my family, my society.. I wasn't fat.. Sadly everyone kept saying I was until I too believed it.. And that scarred my life. It changed how I looked at myself, what I thought of myself and who I would become.. No boys would want to date the "fat" girl.. No employers would want to hire the "fat" woman.. It changed how I looked at myself, how I appreciated myself and how I presented myself. Slowly it became a self fulfilling prophecy..
As I grew older I allowed myself to become fat in reality.. I stopped trying, I gave up.. No longer can I blame my childhood for bad choices (as I am an adult of some 50 years) BUT I can blame the world around that child for knocking her down for destroying her self esteem.. That has been hard to rebuild.. Recently I started a lifestyle change (yeah dorky words but I don't know what else to call it). I am tired of being ashamed to have my picture taken. I want my smile to be full of joy and that can only happen when I am happy with me..
The best part of all this focus has been that people really are starting to fight back. No longer does the fashion industry get to say when a girl is fat.. Well, we are working on it. There are actually countries who BAN super skinny models.. It isn't healthy.. And when people look at comments that were made by those less understanding.. the uproar begins.. It isn't a perfect world but it's getting better for us former fat kids..