If you have been reading my blogs, you might get the impression that I don't like my family or I resent them. When in fact the exact opposite is true. I admire these individuals beyond anyone else in the world. They are strong, resilient, tough, giving, smart, unique individuals. Most of whom have found their own paths in life and have figured out how to juggle who they are with who society expects them to be. It's not dislike when I make some statements rather envy.
I want to be one of them and the only way that can happen is if I let myself be me. Oh sure I am sure I won't connect with all of them. I mean how could I they are a vast and varied group of people. But I know my little piece of the puzzle is just as important to the family picture than all of theirs. I just have to find where I fit.
And because I have spent most of my life trying to force the fit, I don't. Does that make sense? See this is why these posts aren't about anyone else but me.
I will refer to one person who I find absolutely amazing. My mom.. oh sure she drives me batty and God willing she will be messing with my head for decades to come, BUT she is an amazing woman. Now in general I don't write about her because she doesn't like to have her life out there. So this isn't about her as a person, it's about my mom.. yep making it all about me.
I jokingly tell my friends to watch out when meeting my family because I am the nice one, the one the rest of them walk all over (implying I am a pushover) but funnily enough, my mom refers to herself in a similar manner. Now I see a tough as nails woman who still scares me straight.. but really she has a huge heart that has allowed others to take advantage.. until she gets fed up.. Then they get confused.. how could she be so mean? yeah.. she's not mean, she's treating you the way the rest of the world would have but because she has been letting you walk all over her for most of your life.. it's seems extreme.
I admire this woman so much.. I know every time I go somewhere new, I think of all the questions I need to ask. All the things I need to find out and discover all the secret worlds a community has to offer. This was a gift from my mother.. She is never lost, just always in some new place to be discovered. There is ALWAYS something interesting about where ever she is. And she has passed that interest on to her children and grandchildren, even when they don't realize it.
There is so much more to my mom.. but respecting her desire to not have her life broadcast all over the internet, I am trying to be vague..
But whenever someone should think I don't love or respect or admire the heck out of this women, think again.. I am who I am, able to fight back, able to write these blogs, able stand tall, because she forced me to fight for myself.. Her dreams for me were so big they were a tad intimidating but as I wander this particular journey, I know.. without those dreams and her strength, I wouldn't be the woman I am right now.. The woman fighting the constraints put upon me by what I "think" I am supposed to be.
So thanks mom