Thursday, January 17, 2013
Rage is an Interesting Thing
After much angst on this betrayal, I tried my best to let it go and it seems I do for long periods of time. Sadly, that is where the rage comes in. I will see something that reminds me of their perfidy..and I get lost momentarily in my rage. I don't strike out, I don't yell, I don't even accuse.. I just feel the rage swirling inside and for a moment I honestly hate.
The circumstances that bring about such feelings usually comes from something that continues the betrayal. I know it would be healthier for me to let it go, to forget. Honestly, I find it easy to accept an apology, to forgive if the apology is made.. if forgiveness is sought. Sadly, those that betray usually don't see that they were in the wrong. They don't recognize the damage they did and they would stand firm in their belief that I at best deserved what I got, at worst....
I am constantly amazed when I see these self same people approving completely things they insisted were not valid when I did them. Things they insisted I not do.. it irks me no end when I see them taking my ideas, thoughts, beliefs and using them for their own purpose and glory. I find myself resenting them and then I get angry because they still have the power to hurt me. To bring me momentarily to my knees. It angers me that I can not take that power from them. I advise those I know to let it go, to not let such actions work and yet they do..
And yet, I am eventually able to stand up and walk away from the debilitating anger they caused me.. the insidious rage that slinks within and insists upon my time. I know I am stronger for it, I know with each attack I am able to let go a little more of the power that they have stolen. Someday such behavior will be rewarded.. both mine to finally let it go and theirs for well being them.