It's Been Two Years and 85lbs

It's hard to believe that two years ago Mother's Day, I finally got fed up. I was tired of being fat! I made a decision and I meant it. 

Two years.. the scale says I have lost 85 lbs which actually puts me 19 lbs behind schedule as my goal is a pound a week.. Gonna have to step it up this year, I have a wedding next June. 

So.. two years.. My clothes tell me I have lost weight.. but sometimes I feel like nothing is happening. I thought check out some pictures taken around the same time of year.. actually all three in May really close to Mother's Day..

Yeah.. it shows. But I am still trudging on! This year's goal is actually 71 lbs, That will put me back on the average of a pound a week.. and will put me at 156 lbs lost.. and sadly, still not done. 

The pound a week thing can be discouraging if you look at it that way.. I mean it's only a pound. And in all honesty that's really not how I lost it. I would loose weight, then plateau out, then loose some more. 

But a pound a week is an excellent goal. Long term and healthy. You didn't take two weeks to gain that weight so don't plan on loosing it in two weeks. Or in my case, two years...  in 1990 I was still way over weight but I looked like this 

That's pretty much my next weight goal.. to look basically like that.. yeah it was 25 years ago so I am gonna have some huge differences but there's my goal for this year.. 

Oh and just a little side note.. The wedding I am attending?? It is for that beautiful baby boy in the picture!

It's Coming OFF!!

It's been a while since I spoke of my weight loss plans, diet, goals, etc.. but I have some seriously awesome news!!

Yesterday I actually got on a scale for the first time since I started this 3 W (Walking, Water and Watching What I eat). I avoided scales for a number of reasons.. but mostly so I wouldn't be disappointed. I mean work really hard and then discover I had only lost a couple of pounds? So I waited

Now you all know, I have had clothing discoveries.. (where tops hang on me, my pants fall from me, little things like that) but I hadn't even considered purchasing new clothes as of yet. Honestly, I want to be able to go in and buy clothes that are two sizes smaller (it will be ok if they are a little snug) so I can wear them for a longer period of time than just one size smaller (cuz I am so gonna shrink out of those too). 

Since I have been at my cousins house I have been eating better? Well more consistently (family dinners and all that) and I haven't been walking as much.. So I was a bit worried. I even imagined that my pants were starting to get snug again.. At least one pair.. and yet my pants that were always just too tight for comfort are loose on me, so those other pants can't be too snug. 

BUT.. I forced myself to finally step on a scale.. are you ready?? Oh sorry, one last caveat.. I loose weight all over, so it's highly conceivable that I can loose quite a bit and still be wearing the same size clothes.. Quite a bit like say 45 POUNDS!! Yes that is right as of yesterday I had lost 45 POUNDS!! Can you see me doing the happy dance? I am a little of my goal as I wanted to have lost 50 lbs by Sept 1.. but I think I can live with the disappointment..

As always, each success story gets me re excited!! And makes me push that much harder towards my goal!! Hopefully by Christmas, I will look good enough that I am happy to share pictures.. and by Word Girl's College Graduation next spring.. I am so gonna be SMOKIN!!

Something Amazing is Happening

I know I haven't written tons about my weight loss plan.. I haven't written much at all but I have not given up! I don't have a scale so am not weighing myself daily (this is a good thing) but I am thinking I need to find a scale soon!!

My body is slowly coming to order..

First off, the other day I needed to borrow a pair of my daughter's gym shoes and found a really nice pair (for the record not the ones she suggested but no way did these fit her, as they are tight on me and I have smaller feet). My problem with gym shoes is well, shoelaces.. aside from my lifelong refusal to tie my shoes more than once a day (if I tie them once they should stay tied) I haven't been able to actually reach my shoelaces in a very long time. I seriously was loving the whole slip on thing.. but I put these shoes on (and they were a bit snug) but was able to bend over and tie them right up.. YAY..

Next.. a couple of days later I put on one of my favorite tops. This top is a fitted T.. it was never tight but it definitely hugged my ample curves.. but it was hanging on me.. yep that's right hanging.. it didn't hug anything but my chest (note the word ample was not used - even fat I know all the flat jokes). I thought maybe the top is just stretched out.. maybe it's just that old.. so the next day I put on a nice fitted cotton blouse, with buttons. Now this top had started to hit the gap stage.. you know when the buttons gap instead of laying smooth.. BUT it was hanging on me too!! 

OH MY GOSH.. it's working!! I don't think I have reached my first goal yet (and yes I have my eventual goal and a series of attainable goals to help me get there) but I am seriously on my way..

The thing about weight loss is it is addicting.. now that I know I am loosing weight.. I am working harder to do so. Walking further (yes in the sweltering heat).. watching my diet even better and totally getting into it! 

Just wanted to share!!

Shauni

Still Struggling.. but little things are happening

This is an embarrassing fact but until recently (today) I could not pick things up off the floor without bending my knees. In other words, just bending at the waist.. no go.. I had to bend my knees and sorta crouch in order to pick something up..

Today I went to pick up my shoes when I thought what the heck, let's see if I can do this. And sure enough I was able to bend over and pick it up. I was so excited. I have spent the entire day walking around..stopping and bending over to pick something up. Yeah, silly.. but still what a feeling.

That simple accomplishment put a new spark in my desire.. It's one of the cool things about loosing weight. The initial struggle is hard just to get up and walk is hard. Emotionally.. then something like this happens and I am excited all over again. And since I need to loose so much there will be plenty of occasions to celebrate!! 

Gotta go pick something up... 

Shauni

Why am I fat?

I grew up in a crazed world.. As a 'tween" I was pudgy.. but my family, those who loved me insisted that I would never loose that weight and all of them constantly bombarded me to do so. I was an athletic, cute kid.. I wasn't obese, I wasn't a slugabed, I ate a really healthy diet, so why did they insist on discussing my weight?

As I got older it actually got worse, because I had curves I was treated like the fat one.. even when my friends came over borrowed my clothes and they were too tight on the "skinny" girls. Yep, I was the same height but wore a smaller size and yet I was the "fat" girl.. How does this happen? For me it was those darn hips.. I had this teeny tiny waist (21 inches in high school) and to the faulty thinking of those around me.. if my waist was so tiny and yet I had hips obviously the hips must go. Who cares if my hip bones actually stuck out..

Even clothes designers were in on it.. remember "dittos" they were made for girls with straight figures.. I remember I had to buy a size 9 for my hips but the waistband gapped so much I could fit 8 squirt guns in them without anyone noticing.. (how do I know this? Something about smuggling squirt guns into Disneyland). And still I was the fat girl..

Looking back at my prom pictures, at my gorgeous prom dress I think.. I wore that? It was fitted for me.. and believe me no fat girl ever wore that dress. Too bad the girl at the time didn't know it. But it wasn't just me.. it was those around me.. My friends, my family, my society.. I wasn't fat.. Sadly everyone kept saying I was until I too believed it.. And that scarred my life. It changed how I looked at myself, what I thought of myself and who I would become.. No boys would want to date the "fat" girl.. No employers would want to hire the "fat" woman.. It changed how I looked at myself, how I appreciated myself and how I presented myself. Slowly it became a self fulfilling prophecy..

As I grew older I allowed myself to become fat in reality.. I stopped trying, I gave up.. No longer can I blame my childhood for bad choices (as I am an adult of some 50 years) BUT I can blame the world around that child for knocking her down for destroying her self esteem.. That has been hard to rebuild.. Recently I started a lifestyle change (yeah dorky words but I don't know what else to call it). I am tired of being ashamed to have my picture taken. I want my smile to be full of joy and that can only happen when I am happy with me..

The best part of all this focus has been that people really are starting to fight back. No longer does the fashion industry get to say when a girl is fat.. Well, we are working on it. There are actually countries who BAN super skinny models.. It isn't healthy.. And when people look at comments that were made by those less understanding.. the uproar begins.. It isn't a perfect world but it's getting better for us former fat kids..

Doing Ok, So Far So Good

Me Now

I started my lifestyle change the other day and so far I am on track..

I have changed my eating habits.. small meals, no meals after 5 pm

I have started a very limited exercise program.. a walk to the park and around it twice then home

I have started taking care of me better.. not lazing around first thing in the morning but getting up starting my day right.. which includes putting on makeup - a soft layer that just shows I am taking time for me.

For those who wonder about my diet plans.. I need to loose around 175lbs.. yes that is way to much weight to have as a weight loss goal but I gained it so now, I must loose it..

I am on what my mom and I refer to as the three W's diet.. 

I Walk

I drink lots of Water

and I Watch what I eat!!

Not very fancy, not very "in" but instead a practical slow way to loose the weight that I have piled on over the years.  

Watching What I eat Portion sizes is actually one of the hardest things.. We are a supersize society.. we think in Extra Large.. I need to think in regular... The best part about it is I don't need to starve myself to loose weight I need to eat properly.. 

Water.. believe it or not this was hard. I had to stop drinking soda.. I have spent years treating soda like my main source of hydration.. yeah not healthy at all.. Worse, I drank diet soda.. do you know the damage diet soda does to your body? I did too, just chose to ignore it.. Finally at the beginning of March I gave up soda.. Not gee I am an soda alcoholic and can never have soda again.. but rather soda is a  TREAT therefor should only be drank/drunk/drinked on special occasions. I have had three individual sized sodas since. Just think I was drinking two, two liters every three days. And nothing else.. no tea, no milk, no juice just soda.. I am rather proud of this particular accomplishment.. 

Walking.. this is hard for me because I am pathetically out of shape. Me, the one most of my friends growing up would have called the athlete.. The jock.. now I am just the slug.. So walking it is.. slow and steady. Right now I am not even power walking. I get a cardio if I just get up off the couch.. So I get up.. walk out the door, to the park and around it! Right now just once a day but on Sunday I will start walking TWICE a day!! Sounds so easy doesn't it? 

Day by day it has already gotten easier.. my life is going to change.. I will be adding some other things for my mental health as well soon.

I want to seriously dedicate a minimum of two hours a day to my writing..

I want to spend some dedicated and scheduled time in my devotions.. no more gee God I don't have the time right now.. I am going to make it.

I want to get my hands on a camera and as I start venturing farther and farther afield I want to be able to photograph my world.. Find the joy again

and eventually.. I want to get a bike.. 

See where I am headed? I am adding some W's 

Wheels, Writing, Wondering (devotions) even *gasp* Working...

But for now it's baby steps and a trip around the park!

This stops TODAY

Take a good look.. This is my final fat picture.. OK sure there will be some more because I am not loosing the weight overnight, or over week or over month or even over year but this weight is GONE!!

I am starting a daily regime.. get up.. walk, small breakfast, prepare for day (including makeup) lunch, small snacks and last meal of the day by Five PM and it will be small, maybe a salad (a good tasty salad not a small bowl of lettuce) then end my day by an evening walk...

Sure there will be other things involved but this starts it.. I am tired of not being able to tie my fricken shoes..

Do you realize that by nature I do not have a round face? Nope it's more like an arrow, broad forehead then narrowing down to that chin..

At this moment I won't put my actual weight down.. BUT I will admit that I need to loose more of me than I need to keep!! My goal for now is 175 lbs.. scary isn't it?

Amazingly enough, the only weight related health issues I have at this time is bad knees.. But we all know that is going to change if I don't do something soon.. So here goes..

You will get a dailyish snipped of how I am doing and yes a weekly picture... and all, I am asking you to help hold me accountable. I know my friends the Evans' and my kids are good for some encouragement but words from you all will help as well..

Shauni

TurnBack Tuesday

Hmmm.. I got this picture today.. it's a picture of Blond girl.. BUT those are my arms in the background.. I am thinking I want those arms again..

After years of internal debate I am fed up.. I have to do something about how I look. I can't stand looking at myself in the mirror and heaven forbid I get a picture taken.. So... I have decided I am going to get my arms back...

Yes folks.. I am holding myself accountable and going to post my weight loss journey here.. While I can not really turnback time I can turn it back enough that I have the shape I used to.. Since my shape is so well.. round.. right now no matter where I end up.. will be a shape I used to have.

I am not going to post my actual weight or how much I want to loose.. well not until I actually loose it BUT I will be posting weekly pictures and stuff..

So to start it off.. this is what I look like NOW..

Yeah that is me sitting in front.. I actually allowed my kids to take a picture with me in it.. grrr.. next year it will look way better!!

The Average American Woman

Word Girl likes to watch America's Next Top Model... Now that Oxygen has it in marathon form on Sundays she will watch an entire season in one day. She laughs at the antics and doesn't take it too seriously but I find it rather annoying. Not the reality TV show concept because face it that is the American mentality these days. No it is the fact that they still say thin is in..

Face it folks the average American woman is a size 12 (and that size 12 is actually two sizes bigger than the size 12's of my youth). Since the average woman is a 12 wouldn't it be nice to see a similar size on the magazines? Do you realize in the world of modeling a plus size woman is a size 8 - 12? Plus size?? size 8?? now blond girl is a size 7/8 with nice hips, flat tummy and shapely legs.. I only wish on my best day I looked like this.. but she is a plus size.. What are we telling our girls?

My girls are fortunately aware of who and what they are as individuals but still it is hard to have a positive self esteem when society is slamming it down their throats that they are fat.. Wake up folks we have been destroying self esteems since the 60's and twiggy and personally I always thought she was ucky looking.. and I gave up on things when I read an article saying Mariyn Monroe was fat.. Hello, Marilyn Monroe?? FAT?? she was gorgeous.. maybe we need to be less size absorbed and more health absorbed. The more we tell healthy looking girls that they are fat the more likely they are to become so.. or at least have an eating disorder of some kind..

Stops for a second, looks around and calming steps off my soapbox.. sorry but this is what one could say is a pet peave of mine

Tired of Being Ugly

Somewhere along the line I stopped caring what I looked like. Now I am a reasonably attractive individaul. I am not super model beautiful but my face doesn't stop a clock either.. I have always dealt with the weight issues, some of the issues were manufactured and unreasonable, growing up in Southern California where a 21" waist was considered fat because I had hips. But a lot of my issues are accurate.

Now self image played a huge part, I thought I was fat so I became fat. And then there is the age old excuse it is my mother's fault who cares that I have been on my own for almost 30 years and I never had a major weight issue until after I did so. I can blame part of it on a bad marriage and depression but seriously what it comes down to is I stopped caring what I looked like. This week I pretty much decided that, that attitude just completely sucks.

Steps I am going to take to make changes, well for starters I am fat does that mean I have to be dumpy? No, so starting in the morning it is up to walk, then shower make up and hair. Not a major effort but one that makes an attitude adjustment. I have an extremely slow metabolism so the best way for me to loose weight is diet and exercise and yes the diet means eating.. not abstaining. So tomorrow after I walk, it will be a small breakfast to get the metabolism going..

I want to loose 130 lbs, but for next week I will be happy if I loose 5 (ok so i want to loose 20 but how realistic is that- I am going to be ecstatic with 5). Tomorrow I am going to take the before picture, I am going to post it here.. and you all get to loose the weight with me.

I figure the accountability will help but not just that if I take the steps to make a change in my life I will just feel better about me. Then I am gonna like me more, then I am just going to be a nicer person because I am happy and then my world will most probably settle back into it's proper orbit.

In the end it is not about loosing the weight which I wan to do but rather about taking charge and making a difference first in my life then we shall see where I go from there.