Saturday, November 29, 2008
Loss
Today I saw the end of a relationship, these were two of my dearest friends and it has been horrible to watch. They have pushed and pulled and struggled harder than any two people I know to make it work.
But they were probably the least compatible two people I have ever met. They were great friends, a dynamic duo but when they put it all on the line committed to each other they crashed. And as with all crashes their was collateral damage, I am sure I am going to loose one if not both of them as friends. I will offer them what support I can but in the end I was part of their family and this part they can prune.
When in conversation with her she said she was through, no more and although I saw her pain, saw her anger I can't agree. I hope honestly and completely that she can one day look up and say yes I am ready to try again. To give my heart oh not anytime soon, that would be a joke. But I want her to see that love is something that we all should strive for, that we all should accept as our due. Oh we may never find it or not completely but to turn one's back on it? To say never again? That is condemning oneself to hell on earth.
For all the failures of my marriage and there were many to have never tried at all? What a loss that would have been. To say I will never love again? No, that is not likely. Not even in the darkest days did I say never again. I believe that we as humans need to love. We seek it out, we dream of the what if's and happily ever afters.. Oh love is not easy it is work, darned hard work but it is worth it. To be able to have that one person who holds you in the night, who keeps the demons away to even have that chance that whisper of hope? Yes it is all worth it.
To risk it all and loose has is so much better than than to never risk it at all.
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This kind of reminds me of the ancient ghost houses in MT. Most were build back in the 19th century and contained hopeful homesteaders. Now those same houses stand barren and eerie; worn down and ready to fall down.
ReplyDeleteI imagine that those who suffer from a lost relationship are kind of like those abandoned houses. All hopeful and new one moment, then busted and run down the next.
For you friend's sake I hope she can rebuild her "house," all new and hopeful of course!
Those are some very strong words. I know I have said that I will never love again. I am the type of person who hates to be hurt. I really hate putting my heart out there and giving my all to someone who doesn't give the same in return.
ReplyDeleteI also like Jade's comment. I agree with her too. In time your friend will learn to love again. We can say never but it doesn't mean that it will happen. We can't predict the future.
Calling it quits is a VERY hard thing. I was only married for 3 years, had 2 kids and called it quits. Having kids that quick made me realize the Lord knew exactly what to do with the time I had.
ReplyDeleteIt was the worst and best thing I have ever been through. The worst in that it is so demeaning, without really meaning to, and the best, cause I did what was best for the kids and I at the time. I would do it a million times over, for in going through that, it made me appreciate every small thing that was truly mine.
Now remarried, it took several, several years. I wouldn't take it back though, cause I learned who I really was, and the value of someone loving ME, warts and all...
Be there for your friend. A lot of people think it's contagious and run. You are right, you will prolly lose at least one, cause it will be taking sides if you talk to either. Calling it quits is a hard thing, but it's also a joy to look back and know that you dug deep inside and found out you have what it takes to survive.
Jen
http://thoughtsfromthefrontporch.blogspot.com
we got same view on marriage. if we can hold on our relationship why not.we have to accept the fact that in any relationship there is joy and suffering. It's just how we handle it.
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