Blogging Frustrations

Blogging is fun!! Cathartic, a great way to meet new people, share your thoughts.. some people even manage to make a few dollars from it. But what happens when the frustrations hit?

You know you don't have a thing to write about.. That very concept just makes me laugh, I always have something to say.. and yet there are days when I can not think of a single thing to write about..

Or.. when you write something and it's about you.. your feelings your thoughts your expressions and you get comments that people are irked that you are writing about them..

Or.. entrecard decides your blogs don't qualify for some reason and delete them.. Not this on.. but my Tea and Book blog has been deleted from my entrecard account. No reason, just gone and all my lovely credits on that account.. GONE.. poof.. It was just so very frustrating..

My Poetry blog.. no longer an active account.. no reason..

I know entrecard has it's good points and bad points.. it has some rather irksome issues but I have met some very lovely people and I enjoy checking out their blogs.. I will keep dropping..

Time to Post

It has been so very long since I kept up my regular blog that it actually feels wierd sitting here typing but it is time to get off my laziness (I would say lazy rear but since I am typing I am still on said rear) and get back to blogging.

It has been an interesting and eventful year for me. I have been working on just developing who I am and where I am headed. I have worked on reconnecting with the faithful and maintaining relationships. It seems the years of my marriage were spent in hiding and the years after were spent in habitual hiding. Not that I ever wasn't front and center rather I was emotionally distant. I put up the wall and kept everyone at arms length. Let me tell you it made for a very lonely time. In a strange way facebook has been part of my salvation. I have been able to re connect with friends and see what they are doing and how their lives are progressing.

After reading about their lives I find I am envious. I do not like to feel envy that others have wonderful fulfilled lives. I understand that none of their lives are perfect but many of them have the life I wanted. I had to ask myself, how did they get these lives? As far as I can see, most of them got it by listening to God and following His plan for their lives. Unlike me, the queen of yes I understand Your plan but can I tweak it just a bit? I have to think God just shakes his head and waits to see how I am gonna mess up a perfectly good plan this time.

It is hard for me to just follow direction. A lesson I definitely need to learn. I like the big picture but to follow the map is somehow beyond me. I need to get on that. Anyway, I am getting ever so tired of banging my head against the wall and have finally stopped to listen.

My church has this fabulous over 40's program that I dream of attending. I do not have a car and getting there will be a challenge. I am hoping it is God's will that I attend and somehow I get there. To be able to interact with like minded Christian adults would be fabulous. A few of my friends have pointed out that this is a form of singles fellowship and yes I agree that is so but it isn't for the dating factor that I want to interact with others who have some of the same life issues. Someone who gets the bone deep loneliness of being a single parent of being without a part of me.

I know there are many who thrive on being an individual and I am certainly that but I am also by nature a pack creature. I am not a lone wolf I am an alpha wolf.. sorta. I think my personality has confused many because while I have no problem caring for myself and my kids in a completely unique and totally non traditionally manner, I do need to be able to lean, to find that person to rely on.

Had I waited upon God's plan instead leaping into the big picture I would have had all that, instead I have what I have made. I have great kids and I am very proud of them. I am just so thankful that they are in my life and I can not see doing anything that would have changed having them but it would have been nice to not be so missing something the entire time I was raising them.

They are growing and almost gone and in a way so am I. In a way, I wait, I am waiting to see where the road leads and where God plans me to be. I hope and yes I hope it is part of something special, something good, something precious but if not I can only be grateful that He allowed me to be part of the amazing lives of my children. That I had that something special but still I yearn.. so let's see where the adventure leads.

IT IS OFFICIAL

What you may ask?? Well the fact that I am PLAINLY INSANE

The other day I was reading a blog over at Darnuth Keep and realized how very much I enjoyed them. I envied Kelly the ability to do this. I envied her ability to be responsible and dedicated I envied her, her ability to take the time to write such beautiful words and I envied her, her desire to hone her craft.

Then I woke up and realized that I did not need to envy her, no I could emulate her. From tomorrow on.. well maybe tonight depending on when I accomplish this feat. I am going to post a poem a day.

What I liked most about Kelly was her admission that hey the goal was a poem a day but it didn't always happen. She did not beat herself up over this nope she just kept plugging away. So that is my goal.. to write a poem a day but to realize that some days life will not allow for this.

I also liked the fact that she felt these poems were not always her best work but continued to post them.. why? because while they were not her best work they did help her to hone her craft.. so that is my goal to write a poem a day and to realize that they may not be my best effort but an effort still..

I honestly can not believe I am starting yet another blog but there you have it I am PLAINLY INSANE and IT IS OFFICIAL

so please all feel free to come along for the ride on my brand spanking new blog.. too young to even earn an entrecard.. Shauni's Dreams that Come

Wow! 100 Posts

I am not quite sure how this happened.. or how it happened so fast. But this is my 100th post. I feel like I have accomplished a milestone, run the marathon (without the pain).

I always knew I had a lot to say and would love to have had someone to share it with before now. I appreciate those who stop by regularly. There have been so very many wonderful comments and fantabulous! When I started out I thought hey, this could be a great way to vent a little, do the Adsense thing and make a little cash. Along the way, I became a threat to the Adsense advertisers (still trying to figure that one out) and lost the income part. But I became adicted to the blog part.

Sometimes I wonder what I am going to say, and sometimes I feel like I am just getting started. The thought roll around my head bouncing off the walls of my brain and fighting to get out. Those days it is actually harder to write than when I have nothing at all. But I perservere..

Again all, thanks for the welcome and the support.. keep blogging, I adore reading your work.. and hope you all have been enjoying mine.

Yes it is True, I am Crazy

Life is full of hazardous pit falls, the kids are always in need spending what little money I have, bills to be paid. There is rent and food and clothing aside from all of the other expenditures..

I was all excited when I was using adsense, I was rocking along had made 130.00 then was declared a threat to their advertisers, seriously I am a threat. Anyway I got really depressed and decided that I was not going to even attempt to get the money aspect going. Oh I kept up whatever I had but that was it.

Then today I noticed... wow someone is advertising on my blog. In the post your link here spot.. so I was stoked. Now here comes the crazy part, it is for a dollar. That is right I earned a dollar!! One single dollar, won't even buy me a soda in most places. But WHO CARES.. whoo hooo I earned a dollar!!!

Now maybe it is ego or maybe it is just the fantasy of making money but either way I am doing the happy dance. Anyone else who feels like spending a dollar to make me do the dance feel free...

Have a GREAT day

It Always Seems That No Matter How Bad...

I have been feeling a bit blue lately for a lot of reasons but the holidays certainly aren't helping. Don't get me wrong I love the holidays, I just hate not being able to be supermom and give the kids a fabulous Christmas.

There are other things going on so life of course gets weirder and weirder but today I received some blog love.. it is amazing what a simple act of kindness can do. Does it change what is going on around me? No, what it does do is make me smile, make me remember that there are those out there who pay attention and face it, it feeds my ego (which never seems to have enough attention).

So I wanted to thank Lola at Lola's Diner for giving me some love. I can not begin to say how much this means to me.. it is my very first award for blogging and for some reason it seems to give me some validation. Yes I really am this big of a nutcase.

Shauni's Blog Rules

I have to admit I am probably one of the quirkiest people I know. When I started writing blogs I created a list of rules and basically have followed them. Well except for one minor transgression I have remained pretty true to them. Today I was asked why and how I could write such depressing blogs and leave them posted when I was done. I thought long and hard about how to answer that and basically it goes back to my rules.. and I am a stern taskmaster.

So I decided to share Shauni's blog rules...

1. a blog is written from the heart at the computer.. pictures may be posted but words must come from the heart write then. An occasional pre written poem is allowed but in general even those must be written while at the computer.. off the cuff so to speak

2. any comments (and please I am ever needy and LOVE comments) must be respected and never removed

3. a blog once written no matter how depressing, intimate or embarrasing remains.. you wrote it for a reason.. keep it there

4. a blog a day is the goal.. but because that can be difficult use the occasional picture

5. book and movie reviews will eventually be part of the repertoire

6. there is no such thing as too much emotion, share of yourself.. don't hide them just because someone may be offended.

there may be more but these are rules set in stone.. not mere guidelines you can all picture me sitting her with some evil whip master standing at my back ready to flog me for failing in the rules.. as I said, I am an odd duck

Accepting I Have an Addictive Personality

They say acceptance is the first step to recovery... although I am not sure that I want to recover.

It seems to me that as in all things I have jumped in feet first to this blogging thing. I swear I could spend an eternity doing it, it is great to be able to find a place to put my words, my thoughts and my feelings. To rush into and vent.. whoo hoo! Of course, there are times I sit down at the computer and have nothing to say, for those of you who know me you can stop laughing now, but it is true. When sitting down to write a blog a feeling of self importance comes over me and I want to write a witty, articulate well thought out blog. Oh brother, the joy of blogging is to sit down and say what is on one's mind.

Now back to the addiction thing. Me being me, I could not just stick with one blog oh no!! I now have three, two here and one on a member site.. and that is not enough for me, as in all converts I have to try and convince my friends to all start blogging also.

And then there is that entire entrecard thing.. I am sure you have all noticed the blog of the day posted here, well that site is an opening to a vast world of bloggers who have wonderful and fascinating things to say. I am amazed by the vastness of the human experience, the adventures, the travels, the day to day lives that claim our hearts. There are some sites that so astound me that I will venture there day after day. There are blogs written by the elderly, telling the stories that weaved the fabric of their lives, the ones written by the young, telling the dreams that only the young can have.I can't help it I am drawn in.

And the moms who blog... tell me where were they when I was raising small children, when I had a story a day to tell? They all of such wonderful, hilarious day to day adventures. A true example of the human spirit, I mean who but a mom can think a story about changing diapers can be funny? and then manage to make the rest of us think so too?

As in all things I know I will level out, I will eventually manage to add the balance in my life that I need and blogging will become just another daily ritual but for now I am that kid in the candy store ready to gorge