I am one of the single most insecure people that there is. I am constantly looking for validation, looking to impress people with my wit, intelligence, charm, whatever. I long for people to tell me I have worth.
I know you should never place your worth in the hands of others.. It just isn't good. But I do it. Constantly looking for approval. It's a scary thing because I have lead an interesting life, have more than average intelligence, am personable.. sure I need to loose weight but that's not what I need validation for. Oh yeah, it would be totally cool if I lost all the weight and came home looking smokin hawt.. But that is something I could actually do for myself. Shoot, do the work.. loose the weight. Guess that is why it doesn't bother me so much (it does but not about my self worth)
What destroys me is when people don't recognize my brain.. my individuality.. When I was young and labeled in school, life was good. For a little while, only trouble was, I wasn't a rocket scientist.. I am a cut and paste kind of girl. No one got that.. so I spent years and I mean years trying to impress people. It didn't work because I was still living for others. If I would have just said screw it and became myself, I probably would have all the validation I needed. See the lesson there? Be true to yourself and you tend to impress others, live to impress others and you are constantly failing.
Anyway, as I know most of you are aware, I write two book review blogs, Bodice Rippers, Femme Fatales and Fantasy and Tea and Book. But because they are about romance books, I tend to separate them from my regular life. I mean, admit I like romance books? Yeah.. right. But lately I have been writing reviews and loving the heck out of it.. I do it for me.. not anyone else, like I said I rarely even tell my family and/or friends that I read romance books let alone review them. ANYWAY things have taken an amazing turn.
Author Alyssa Day, liked my review so much she is putting it in the front of her next book The Cursed. You know where you see quotes from people in the business about other books written by the author? Yep, I am going there!!
Author Christina Dodd, reprinted my quote on her Facebook Page and Twitter
Author Ashlyne Laynne mentioned my in her book Progeny
And several authors have mentioned me on their websites..
BUT TODAY
the most amazing thing happened. I went to Amazon to post a review and I saw the editorial quotes.. you know what I am talking about? The blurbs used to get readers excited? Well on the book If you Give a Rake a Ruby.. AMAZON posted a quote from BR.. yep that's me!! I was practically jumping up and down.
Then I realized. I was being validated.. Not because I was looking for it but because I was doing something I was good at and something I loved. I was sharing me!! Go Figure..
Shauni
Well, good for YOU!! :) That's so exciting to have that kind of recognition.
ReplyDeleteI hope with this affirmation that you will be more brave in sharing your interests and accomplishments with others. Who cares what you read???! You should be proud of YOU and what YOU like and what YOU accomplish!
Good going, Shauni!
Thanks Lin,
DeleteI know all this.. and have always given this advice to others.. be true to yourself! and yet.. LOL..
As far as reading, well I have learned that I read way more than the average person and most of the ones who say something haven't picked up a book in years. As for my family, well I am still not convinced that they don't read romance, only they but some critically acclaimed book's jacket on it to convince themselves. *grins* I have almost convinced my mother to read Nora Roberts, only I have to pick the perfect books.. Ones that will appeal to her and not have any wooo woooo crap in it.
Oh well, it was so awesome when I read it, seriously I all but jumped up and down and screamed..