Every day when I wake up I wonder if today will be the day when I can get out of the fiasco I have arrived in. Over the past few months we have been living in a hotel. Now initially this was to be a short term prospect I had a place lined up to move to all I had to do was wait for my income taxes to get in. Now my taxes would have been more than enough to get us settled. Of course for the first time ever there was a problem with my taxes. And here it is 9 months later and I am still waiting. The government says that there is no problem they are in process. I have even filed a claim but to no avail. It has of course driven me to the point of insanity. While living here I have paid what would amount to two years rent elsewhere, not to mention storage for all of my belongings. This of course leaves us short for everything else.
Now I am not complaining because my own choices brought me here, but some days I just want to scream. The cabin fever crawls through all of us and leaves us just biting each others heads off. I worry so about the damage I am causing my kids. Oh I know they are still better off than many. They live in the town they grew up in, attend the high school with all of their friends and are able to participate in almost all of the activities that they want to. And I know that they will survive this but I do wonder if I will.
As a parent we want to give our children everything and if we can't do that we want to give them at least the security of having a home to call their own with their things around them. I know when things are going good I tend to give them more than I should and yet it doesn't change the fact that I am living in hope that I can once again give them all I can. What bothers me the most is the fact that they resent my choices. I have pretty much sacrificed everything for them and my reward is angry sullen teenagers. Or at least towards me, with the assumption that I do not do anything to help out or get things accomplished. This too is very frustrating for me, especially since I have given them so much over the years.
Not that they don't help out, they do. JR offers what he can from his paycheck but is working hard at school and finally has his priorities straight. Cori spent most of his summer earnings helping out as he could and Frankie used her earnings to help out and yet pay for her own school needs. So while I mumble and get angry I appreciate all that they have done. Which of course makes the anger and the cabin fever harder and harder to deal with.
Will we survive? of course, and with a strong family unit intact but in the meantime I worry. About everything.
hugssss teenagers are always resentful but never doubt for one second that they dont love and appreciate you. you are doing everything for them that you can and if you cant see or hear it from them now dont worry one day you'll hear that lesson they learned echo in your ears from them.
ReplyDeleteyour doing the best you can and shoud be damn proud of it!!!!