Practice Your Gratitudes

Feeling down? Life stressing you out? Out of work? Children driving you crazy? Well it's time to practice your gratitudes.. Seriously! We can not change so very many thinks in our lives.. but we can be grateful for the postives. Have you ever noticed that the bad always seems to take us over. Life is hard.. and we struggle.. and yest there are those who are happy.. why? Because they know they have something to be grateful for.

It doesn't matter what it is.. there is always something. I used to by nature practice my gratitudes and I was a happy self confident person.. then along the way I started listening to so many people who would tell me to get my head out of the sand, face reality and stop pretending life was wonderful and I got bitter and mean.. and sank into a depression that it has taken me years to get out of.. And how did I get out.. finally? Why, I started practicing my gratitudes..

I woke up (I figure if you do this one you are pretty much ahead of the game)
I am healthy, overweight and under exercised but healthy non the less
I have four amazing children.. who are healthy and whole..
I have a roof over my head
I have friends
I have family (yes even if they do drive me nuts, they are there)
Someone gave up their seat on the bus for me today
Someone held the door open for me when my hands were full.. shoot someone held it open just to be polite..

See there is always something to be grateful for.. today I am going to make sure that I practice my gratitudes..

Thank You

This is one of my favorite posts...

Thank You

John Jensen

Bill Steenburgen

Guy Lile

King LaBau

Harvey Lemming

Jr Branch

John Lill

David Lill

Fred Mohr

Joe Bush

The Veterans who helped shape my life.. who do you have to thank?

And Yet I Doubt!

As many of you know, financially my life has not been what I can call secure.. even when at it's best it was a constant struggle to raise four kids in today's world and to well be able to pay for it. We have muddled through.. but there are times when I wonder if we are going to make it. We ALWAYS do..

For some reason, my child support checks were yet again going absent.. you must understand on very few occasions has it been the ex's fault. The gov't garnishes his wages so when he works, I get paid. And to be fair.. the man worked!! He gave all of his best parts to his job.. of course when the economy tanked.. he lost his job.. got it back as a temp and then lost it again.. so now we are dealing with unemployment and the temporary agency's need to contest said unemployment.. I have a problem with that, but that is a different story.

I was unable to contact him, so I went and tracked him down.. understand that we don't have a bad relationship all things considered.. you know, I do all the work and he pays what the gov't makes him.. anyway, I found him and he is not looking good. It kind of hurt because this was just a beautiful man and to see what alcohol has done to him, hurts..ok.. still not the point.

When I found him, he explained that his money was on hold and who knows when he would see unemployment again.. ok.. life sucks but I can deal, seriously I only have until July anyway.

I came home and was told, the bill that needed to be paid.. TODAY.. was paid.. how? Well PITA Boy paid it.. I was confused, I knew he had no money.. well seems like he got paid a day early.. I know.. to many this is not a miracle.. but think about it.. I had a need.. and God provided.. what exactly would you call it?

I have often in my life failed God... but HE HAS NEVER FAILED ME!!

Giving Away Your Power

I admit it, I am one of those touchy feely types.. not the actual touch part it took me forever to be able to let a friend hug me just to say hello.. and seriously when strangers do it.. yeah drives me nuts.. but... emotionally, I am one of those that lets things get under my skin.. and stay there.. letting the words of others affect me. I shouldn't. I should let those words slide off of me. I don't and that is the problem

I have spent most of my life being told that I am too sensitive that I needed to deal with it and not be such a wuss.. Over the years I have learned that MOST of the time.. this is actually their problem. I am sensitive it's who I am.. I don't have to change to make others happy.. They can learn to deal with their own issues.. and if I want to cry.. then you know what? I am gonna cry. It makes me feel better..

What I do have to work on is giving others the power to upset me. Yeah, I am one of those that remembers.. I won't say hold a grudge although when someone hurts my kids.. I have the memory of an elephant.. That is not what I am talking about.. No, I am talking about those words that are usually said without thought.. offhand, whatever.. but those words slip under my skin and fester... and then there are the words that are said for just that purpose.. to hurt. The best thing I can do is forget them. DO NOT GIVE THEM POWER.. One day I am going to learn how to do just that!

Joe Frazier,RIP

Joe Frazier was a huge part of my childhood... I was raised by an honest to goodness sports enthusiastic. It didn't matter the sport if they were talented.. if they were good then he loved and appreciated them.

My Dad loved Boxing, although I was raised that Mohammed Ali (Cassius Clay, when I was really young) I knew who Joe Frazier was and what he meant to the sport.

In a sport that Americans have triumphed in Olympics after Olympics, Joe Frazier was the ONLY one to win a gold medal in the 1964 Oylmpics. He was the heavy weight world champion from 1970 - 1973 back when people paid attention and cared about boxing..

Who, even non boxing fans, could forget the "thrilla in Manilla"? The iconic Frazier/Ali heavyweight champion fight held in Manilla. The name Joe Frazier meant something... integrity, blue collar... he was the working mans champion.

It is sad to see him go, RIP Joe Frazier.. you made a difference, in the end what more can we ask for?

Joe Paterno and Penn State

Sure he's the winningest coach in college history.. sure he's an example to working octogenarians everywhere.. Sure he even seems like a nice guy.. But he needs to go.

In the late 90's his asst coach, and assumed golden child predecessor was caught molesting a child int he showers of the locker room by a grad student. The student went into his office and called his father who told him to get the heck out of there. When he got home they called the Dean.. not the police the Dean.. who discussed it with his fabulous coach and they decided to let the asst coach go.

Yes that's right they released him from his employment. They made no mention to anyone but the inner sanctum about what he had been caught doing. They didn't tell his charity.. yeah the one that helped out "troubled" boys.. And even though they let him go.. they still allowed him access to the campus and the locker rooms.. They treated him like an honored guest not the criminal that he was.

It has finally come out.. and everyone from the governor on down says that Joe Paterno is not the subject of the investigation. I am appalled..sadly I am not amazed as cover up seems to be the way of the world, if you have money, or can bring money in... The school needs to step up and say.. Joe, you are a nice guy we like you but sorry.. you screwed up big time..

A child's life was RUINED.. and no one did anything because it might have made the school look bad.. WOW.. lovely priorities.. I am glad my child is not looking to attend school there..

Just Dragging

Ever since Blond Girl's incident and consequent trip to the hospital I have been basically unable to get back into the groove of things.. It seems I am always just a bit out of step.

This is frustrating for me because I have spent a very long time and a lot of effort to fight anemia, depression and frustration. To find that I had settled into a rythmn of sorts and yet this one just through me for a loop.

It is hard juggling my life because I have this split very public/very private life. As many sufferers and survivors of abuse do I keep my troubles very very close. I don't share with others what is really going on in my life and when I do, things are usually better. Then I have no problem sharing, well some things..

I just feel battled, bruised and not the victor in day to day life right now. Alone, abandoned and completely without my support base. I have plenty of lovely acquainances and many people who have stepped out and offered a helping hand.. but few friends, if any.. who call and say hey, let's hit the show. Or want to discuss what I am reading.. I created this wonderful and fantastic new site and I have no one to really share it with.

Then of course there is family, sometimes I wonder if I did the kids a disservice.. I feel disconnected from them, while they have become that cohesive unit I always wanted them to be. They will never feel like they are unwanted or unappreciated amongst their siblings.. They will never feel like there they sit with their faces to the window.. on the wrong side, seeing a lovely family unit, knowing that they should be a part of it and yet, aren't.

Yeah, I am suffering a setback.. I know I can not rely on anyone to define who I am except myself, but it would be nice, if just once.. one of those people who claim to care for me got it.. got that while I am not some week useless creature (that most of my family sees me as) I am also not that strong fortress (that most of the community sees). I am me, no more, no less.