After much angst on this betrayal, I tried my best to let it go and it seems I do for long periods of time. Sadly, that is where the rage comes in. I will see something that reminds me of their perfidy..and I get lost momentarily in my rage. I don't strike out, I don't yell, I don't even accuse.. I just feel the rage swirling inside and for a moment I honestly hate.
The circumstances that bring about such feelings usually comes from something that continues the betrayal. I know it would be healthier for me to let it go, to forget. Honestly, I find it easy to accept an apology, to forgive if the apology is made.. if forgiveness is sought. Sadly, those that betray usually don't see that they were in the wrong. They don't recognize the damage they did and they would stand firm in their belief that I at best deserved what I got, at worst....
I am constantly amazed when I see these self same people approving completely things they insisted were not valid when I did them. Things they insisted I not do.. it irks me no end when I see them taking my ideas, thoughts, beliefs and using them for their own purpose and glory. I find myself resenting them and then I get angry because they still have the power to hurt me. To bring me momentarily to my knees. It angers me that I can not take that power from them. I advise those I know to let it go, to not let such actions work and yet they do..
And yet, I am eventually able to stand up and walk away from the debilitating anger they caused me.. the insidious rage that slinks within and insists upon my time. I know I am stronger for it, I know with each attack I am able to let go a little more of the power that they have stolen. Someday such behavior will be rewarded.. both mine to finally let it go and theirs for well being them.
Anger and rage are such strong emotions that it takes time to dissipate. You can't rush the healing because it won't happen...it takes a good long time to let that go with much thought and processing.
ReplyDeleteThe key is identifying the emotion and thinking about it and then..letting it go. With time, the length of this process lessens and soon you can identify how you felt, but you don't have to re-live it over and over again.
I hope you get there...soon. Been there, I know how you are feeling. ((hugs)) my friend.
Thanks Lin,
Deleteyou are of course right. These things take time to completely leave us. I also appreciate your words of encouragement. Sometimes all that is needed is a shoulder to lean on. It's not about being right or wrong it's about dealing with things
Betrayal is all in personal perception. Venting about wrongs done against us, typically occurs when we know we are in part responsible for what has traspired. It is entirely possible that those who you feel have betrayed you, feel that you did the exact same thing to them upon your falling out. We cannot control others. We can only control ourselves. My advice would be to get over it and move on. There are far more horrible things to suffer in the world, and wishing ill on another, no matter the rage we feel, is never a good thing and only consumes us with negativity.
ReplyDeleteGood point, well made, Miss Anonymous............
DeleteFeel how you want to feel. There is nothing wrong with feeling betrayed. There is nothing wrong with feeling like you were left like yesterdays news, and there is nothing wrong with wishing you could do more than just sit passively by and watch people who you once called friends bring things to light that they had previously berated.
ReplyDeleteYou are entitled to your feelings. Period. Are there other things going on in the world that are "horrible" ? Hell yes! But that doesn't mean that what you're going through doesn't matter!
At least you have the guts to come out here and speak your feelings in the open instead of hiding behind some unknown identity. Claiming your feelings is the first step towards healing. Good for you for getting mad! Good for you for venting and getting it all out there! Now lets heal. And move on when you are good and ready.
Love you!
you have become the dearest of friends.. I treasure you so.. thank you for your support.. I appreciate it ever so much. You know me, I don't want the rage to win..not for any other reason that it makes me less healthy..
DeleteI know that. Plus you don't want "them" it whatever you call it, to win.
DeleteYou are so much better than that.