It seems I see things differently than others.. See when I make a commitment I keep it. I follow through with my promises and even when it hurts and it does hurt I try and put others before myself.
Recently, I have seen this in action... I saw a circumstance where I created something and made sure I put other people ahead of me in the billing. Then when it came down to showcasing our talents, I let others take my favorites.. but when it came time to return the favor, nope it didn't happen. And yet I am the selfish one.. I am the one "in competition".. yeah feed that line...
I guess, I am angry, hurt, upset.. That dropping in the pit of my stomache curl up and cry feeling. I am tired of being the whipping boy.. tired of once again being used and betrayed. I am tired of accepting responsibility for my actions and never hearing others do the same. If someone walked up it would be hey it's obviously all Shauni's fault, you blame her, she says she was wrong.. you must be freakin perfect a total saint to put up with such a flawed person. Maybe I should just shun Shauni and fall at your feet... yeah.. that is what you would be lead to believe. I HATE that.. I hate that I feel remorse yet others don't. I HATE that I am able to believe in the innate goodness of people over and over and over again!! and yet.. if I didn't I would not be me..
That being said.. I will get grief for daring to voice my opinion.. but if I don't voice it.. I crack..
You've got to be more selective on who you do things for and be a little more quick with saying "no". It's a hard lesson to learn, but we don't need to be "friends" with everyone. There are very few people I'm close with and will go all out for--otherwise I just feel used.
ReplyDeleteHang in there, pally. Tomorrow will be a better day.
Thanks pal.. I just needed to vent. I can't change who I am so I have to accept that there will be times like this.. Cuz I really really can't change other people.. I have to look in the mirror and honestly, if I was unable to say hey you have a point.. I was wrong.. I would be less..
DeleteBut your kind words mean a lot
Shauni, I agree with Lin, sometimes, you just have to say 'no' ... if the person on the other end doesn't like it, they'll either get over it or they weren't really ever a friend. I know how you feel ... I am like you ... my hubby gets angry because he says I never do anything for myself ... I write - that's for myself! But I know what he means. There are days when I feel like no matter what I do, I'm wrong and then I feel guilty even though I didn't do anything wrong. I ask myself quite often, 'when is it going to be my turn?' ... meaning when am I going to come first, even in my own life? Hang in there and know that you're not alone and we are more than happy to listen to your rant because it's ours, too! Blogger Friends Unite! : )
DeleteVery nice posst
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