Friday, April 10, 2009
My Heart Broke Today
So today was a hard day for me and tomorrow is going to be worse. I have spent a lifetime with my children making holidays special.. especially Easter.. decorating eggs and an elaborate Easter Egg Hunt no matter where we lived. This year it is not going to happen, yes I realize they are older that they are teens and young adults but it matters to me. I want to be able to continue one simple tradition.
It is not going to happen oh not because they are older and aren't interested nope, I am pretty sure even Hair Boy at 20 would be out there searching.. No it isn't going to happen because I simply can't afford it, even the eggs. So yes today I am indulging in a bit of a pity party.. I have worked damned hard over the years I have struggled to make things look normal for my kids and I resent that I can not do it this year.
I resent that I sit here crying because I can not afford to color Easter Eggs... I resent that I sit here alone at all.. I guess I am angry at a lot and I am letting it focus on the eggs but I am angry and hurt and so darned tired of doing it alone. Easter is going to be very very hard for me this year.. and I guess the main reason is once again I am doing it alone..
The good news is, I know I will bounce back, I will get better and eventually I will smile. Why? Because that is who I am..
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... and also, you have all the bloggers friend to "talk" to too.
ReplyDeleteThe world has never stopped rotating. We've never fallen down before because of that. We might fall if we're tripped, or lose our balance, or get knocked over, or slip over a banana skin, or ... Point is ... what we're on again?
Cheer Up!
You are never alone. We are always here. Wishing goodness in all areas of your life and you have nothing to fear.
ReplyDeleteI have the same feeling this year. On one hand, I'm upset because the ex gets the kids this holiday yet again. On the other hand, I can't afford anything this weekend anyways, so the kids and I are celebrating NEXT weekend. They don't care about it being a week late. Perhaps you can do something to that effect, the celebrating later that is.
ReplyDeleteHey Girl
ReplyDeleteI hear you loud and clear. I raised all 4 of my children and ran a business that kept me working 14-16 hours a day for 23 years. All I can tell you is that God was watching over them because they all grew up to be very well adjusted and intelligent kids. They also gained from my hard work to put food on the table from day to day very good work ethics.
Chin up..tomorrow always has new life.
Huggz & I hope you can smile just a bit.
~D~
This year is different for all of us, but remember it's just temporary. We will return to prosperity. Keep your happiness because it's free.
ReplyDelete